Friday, December 23, 2005
Da Vinci ID’s Three Wise Men
When an historical sleuth from New Mexico and a mathematic whiz kid from Houston, TX, get together in Anchorage for unknown reasons, strange and mysterious things are bound to happen. For instance, we were all just sitting there at 9:30 a.m. sipping freshly brewed Starbucks roasted coffee waiting for the Winter Solstice to hit Anchorage and nothing happened. Absolutely nothing! It probably should have dawned on us then at precisely 9:30, but nothing dawns on anything or anybody that time of morning in Anchorage. Maybe we were so caught up in our vigil that we missed the obvious. Maybe it should have hit us when we got the phone call from the Rev. David Fison asking us to meet him at 10 a.m. at his geodesic dome home adorned throughout with miniature Christmas and Easter Totem poles. Maybe it should have hit us like 500 pounds of a cedar log as we maneuvered a rather hefty Totem Pole, nothing miniature about this one, down the stairwell and into the Eurovan. Maybe it should have hit us as I cradled that Totem Pole in the Eurovan to keep it from tipping over or go flying through the windshield with Baby Jesus staring me in the eye with his star only a couple of feet away. Maybe it should have hit us as we struggled to push the totem into position. Maybe it should have hit us as the Rev. Doug Yates began to play his Tshimishan flute. Maybe it should have hit us as the photographer from the Anchorage Daily News began to click away with his camera. It finally dawned on me as we admired the Christmas Totem Pole which we had just put in place in St. John Methodist Church that the three wise men were the Rev. David Fison who is also known by his Tshimishan name, NADAAM NLOMSK, which means “carver of sacred things,” the Rev. Doug Yates, Fison’s adopted nephew, and the Rev. Dave Beckett, one of Fison’s successors as the pastor of St. John. The clues had been there all along. All carved into the Totem Pole by Fison. Three wise men all closely linked together. What more proof could one possibly need? Da Vinci might finally have got one right
When an historical sleuth from New Mexico and a mathematic whiz kid from Houston, TX, get together in Anchorage for unknown reasons, strange and mysterious things are bound to happen. For instance, we were all just sitting there at 9:30 a.m. sipping freshly brewed Starbucks roasted coffee waiting for the Winter Solstice to hit Anchorage and nothing happened. Absolutely nothing! It probably should have dawned on us then at precisely 9:30, but nothing dawns on anything or anybody that time of morning in Anchorage. Maybe we were so caught up in our vigil that we missed the obvious. Maybe it should have hit us when we got the phone call from the Rev. David Fison asking us to meet him at 10 a.m. at his geodesic dome home adorned throughout with miniature Christmas and Easter Totem poles. Maybe it should have hit us like 500 pounds of a cedar log as we maneuvered a rather hefty Totem Pole, nothing miniature about this one, down the stairwell and into the Eurovan. Maybe it should have hit us as I cradled that Totem Pole in the Eurovan to keep it from tipping over or go flying through the windshield with Baby Jesus staring me in the eye with his star only a couple of feet away. Maybe it should have hit us as we struggled to push the totem into position. Maybe it should have hit us as the Rev. Doug Yates began to play his Tshimishan flute. Maybe it should have hit us as the photographer from the Anchorage Daily News began to click away with his camera. It finally dawned on me as we admired the Christmas Totem Pole which we had just put in place in St. John Methodist Church that the three wise men were the Rev. David Fison who is also known by his Tshimishan name, NADAAM NLOMSK, which means “carver of sacred things,” the Rev. Doug Yates, Fison’s adopted nephew, and the Rev. Dave Beckett, one of Fison’s successors as the pastor of St. John. The clues had been there all along. All carved into the Totem Pole by Fison. Three wise men all closely linked together. What more proof could one possibly need? Da Vinci might finally have got one right
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Next Jamaican Bobsled Team
When the Jamaican Bobsled Team entered the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary almost everyone laughed. What could those guys possibly know about a bobsled since they were from a tropical country? Very little it turned out. They finished dead last. After another disastrous finish, they improved to 14th in the 1994 Winter Olympics in Lillehammer. This time they were not to be laughed at. They had after all finished ahead of the United States and Russia. Every since then the world has been waiting for the next Jamaican Bobsled Team just as they have waited for the next Babe Ruth and the next Ted Williams. Where is that budding team? Now I know that we don’t have the personnel for a four-man team but my brother and I might qualify for the two-man team and of course it would not be the Winter Olympics but the Senior Olympics. Next you will tell me that there is no bobsled team in the Senior Olympics. So much the better for it gives us a head start. Disney did make a movie about the Jamaican Bobsled Team called Cool Runnings and it would be kind of neat to be a superstar of a movie. So to get started my brother and I, neither of whom had ever been on a sled (Hey we are thinking the next Jamaican bobSLED team) pulled a couple of sleds out of the garage to see if we could figure out how they worked. Spotting no moveable parts we decided it looked simple enough. Get on the sled and push off. What could go wrong? Plenty we found out. We decided to practice on the ice-covered driveway beside our house. I went first. Head first that is! Careening down the hill! Completely out of control. Bouncing from the snow berm on one side of the drive to the berm on the opposite side and then back to the other. I finally hit the large bank of snow and ice at the end of the driveway. The sled stopped! I didn’t! My brother went next with a little more luck. He made a sudden left turn and came to a screeching halt after only ten feet. He emerged rather unscathed. After practicing for another 30 minutes trying to perfect our technique, we had progressed to Keystone Cop status. And we had perfected our crash landing technique. That went over with a bang. We decided to call it a day and managed to retrieve most of the parts of our bodies and retreated back inside the house for some hot grog. The Disney movie will have to wait.
When the Jamaican Bobsled Team entered the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary almost everyone laughed. What could those guys possibly know about a bobsled since they were from a tropical country? Very little it turned out. They finished dead last. After another disastrous finish, they improved to 14th in the 1994 Winter Olympics in Lillehammer. This time they were not to be laughed at. They had after all finished ahead of the United States and Russia. Every since then the world has been waiting for the next Jamaican Bobsled Team just as they have waited for the next Babe Ruth and the next Ted Williams. Where is that budding team? Now I know that we don’t have the personnel for a four-man team but my brother and I might qualify for the two-man team and of course it would not be the Winter Olympics but the Senior Olympics. Next you will tell me that there is no bobsled team in the Senior Olympics. So much the better for it gives us a head start. Disney did make a movie about the Jamaican Bobsled Team called Cool Runnings and it would be kind of neat to be a superstar of a movie. So to get started my brother and I, neither of whom had ever been on a sled (Hey we are thinking the next Jamaican bobSLED team) pulled a couple of sleds out of the garage to see if we could figure out how they worked. Spotting no moveable parts we decided it looked simple enough. Get on the sled and push off. What could go wrong? Plenty we found out. We decided to practice on the ice-covered driveway beside our house. I went first. Head first that is! Careening down the hill! Completely out of control. Bouncing from the snow berm on one side of the drive to the berm on the opposite side and then back to the other. I finally hit the large bank of snow and ice at the end of the driveway. The sled stopped! I didn’t! My brother went next with a little more luck. He made a sudden left turn and came to a screeching halt after only ten feet. He emerged rather unscathed. After practicing for another 30 minutes trying to perfect our technique, we had progressed to Keystone Cop status. And we had perfected our crash landing technique. That went over with a bang. We decided to call it a day and managed to retrieve most of the parts of our bodies and retreated back inside the house for some hot grog. The Disney movie will have to wait.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Possible New terrorist!
A snowman big enough to eat Anchorage? Bigger than King Kong? Yes. A terrifying yes!! This 16-foot creation on Columbine Street towers above the house, cars, and makes Shaquille O’Neal look like a leprechaun. The Anchorage Daily News has labeled it Snowzilla. It is made of packed ice because it would be impossible to roll snowballs the “size of small planets.” What will happen if somebody plops a magic felt hat on its head. Think of Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein. With the world already confronting crazy Santas in New Zealand, the last thing it needs is a monster that size rampaging through the Northern Hemisphere. The army would have a hard time tracking it down. Heat seeking missiles would be worthless. And it could hide in one of the many glacial valleys here invisible to the naked eye. And if by some chance it should turn out to be friendly, that deep bass voice could trigger alvanches right and left when it begins to sing. And if it should begin to dance? Whew! Tremors! This thing could make the Good Friday Earthquake look like a cakewalk. Folks, if this thing comes to life then this will be “That’s all folks!”
A snowman big enough to eat Anchorage? Bigger than King Kong? Yes. A terrifying yes!! This 16-foot creation on Columbine Street towers above the house, cars, and makes Shaquille O’Neal look like a leprechaun. The Anchorage Daily News has labeled it Snowzilla. It is made of packed ice because it would be impossible to roll snowballs the “size of small planets.” What will happen if somebody plops a magic felt hat on its head. Think of Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein. With the world already confronting crazy Santas in New Zealand, the last thing it needs is a monster that size rampaging through the Northern Hemisphere. The army would have a hard time tracking it down. Heat seeking missiles would be worthless. And it could hide in one of the many glacial valleys here invisible to the naked eye. And if by some chance it should turn out to be friendly, that deep bass voice could trigger alvanches right and left when it begins to sing. And if it should begin to dance? Whew! Tremors! This thing could make the Good Friday Earthquake look like a cakewalk. Folks, if this thing comes to life then this will be “That’s all folks!”
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Don Quixote Syndrome
Tuesday will mark the 401 anniversary of the publication of the first part of Don Quixote by Cervantes. Although the world only celebrated the 400 anniversary earlier this year to mark the occasion when the world had its first opportunity to read the book. Someone recognized that it just could not complete with Kris Kringle over the holidays. Besides the Inquisition also took a dim view of non-religious stocking stuffing. Given the wacky behavior of the man from La Mancha, the forces that be also probably thought it prudent not to unleash a delusional character on a world that had already come to the conclusion that December was a depressing month, especially in a country that was caught up in the throes of the Inquisition. To make a long story shorter we skip to the 21st century. The moose in Norway it seems have a new malady–Don Quixote Syndrome. What all the scientists, medical authorities, veterinarians and ever self-proclaimed psychiatrist have failed to recognize is as plain as the nose on a 747. The problem first surfaced with the moose in Norway. The antics of the moose population there, almost certainly young male juveniles, is very bizarre to say the least. Many are getting punch drunk on fermented apples, others are breaking into stores, some have challenged joggers, especially the ones with cell phones, but the telltale symptom was wooden clothes drying racks. The male moose have been on a rampage attacking these things–apparently confusing them with the rack of another moose. Or perhaps not! In the law of the jungle the juveniles are required to prove their manhood by attacking papa moose. Now I don’t know about you, but if I were a moose I would find it much less intimidating to attack a wooden drying rack than a full-grown bull moose. I might even live to see tomorrow. Now unless you have an eye witness, who would ever know what you had attacked. A rack is a rack and a windmill is a windmill unless you are a knight errant. Moose errants! All of them! Don Quixote Syndrome.
Tuesday will mark the 401 anniversary of the publication of the first part of Don Quixote by Cervantes. Although the world only celebrated the 400 anniversary earlier this year to mark the occasion when the world had its first opportunity to read the book. Someone recognized that it just could not complete with Kris Kringle over the holidays. Besides the Inquisition also took a dim view of non-religious stocking stuffing. Given the wacky behavior of the man from La Mancha, the forces that be also probably thought it prudent not to unleash a delusional character on a world that had already come to the conclusion that December was a depressing month, especially in a country that was caught up in the throes of the Inquisition. To make a long story shorter we skip to the 21st century. The moose in Norway it seems have a new malady–Don Quixote Syndrome. What all the scientists, medical authorities, veterinarians and ever self-proclaimed psychiatrist have failed to recognize is as plain as the nose on a 747. The problem first surfaced with the moose in Norway. The antics of the moose population there, almost certainly young male juveniles, is very bizarre to say the least. Many are getting punch drunk on fermented apples, others are breaking into stores, some have challenged joggers, especially the ones with cell phones, but the telltale symptom was wooden clothes drying racks. The male moose have been on a rampage attacking these things–apparently confusing them with the rack of another moose. Or perhaps not! In the law of the jungle the juveniles are required to prove their manhood by attacking papa moose. Now I don’t know about you, but if I were a moose I would find it much less intimidating to attack a wooden drying rack than a full-grown bull moose. I might even live to see tomorrow. Now unless you have an eye witness, who would ever know what you had attacked. A rack is a rack and a windmill is a windmill unless you are a knight errant. Moose errants! All of them! Don Quixote Syndrome.
