Friday, December 30, 2005
Fifth Dimension Revealed!
A number of years ago PBS produced a special on “What Einstein did not know.” Modern physics has acknowledged the existence of up to 40 (some say 10 or 16) dimensions of which we are currently familiar with only four of them. The others have either been lost or rolled up into tiny loops, which is part of Kaluza-Klein theory of extra dimensions. Now the problems that come to mind are how can you lose dimensions and who lost them? Is there a giant extra-terrestrial lost and found out there? And exactly what did we lose. Microsoft spell checker seems to confuse Kaluza with Klaus (Santa Claus) which might explain some of the supernatural powers that Santa possesses. However, there is one supernatural occurrence with which we are all familiar—the lost sock in the washing machine. 300 millions of them disappear a year in the good old USA. Vanished with no trace whatsoever. We are told that they don’t go down the drain and they are not anywhere in the washer. Just gone! Now unless some extra-terrestrial has a sock fetish the best explanation is that they have become part of a tiny Klaus-Klein loop that Santa can use whenever he needs an extra sock on Christmas Eve. Who says physics is a dull subject?
A number of years ago PBS produced a special on “What Einstein did not know.” Modern physics has acknowledged the existence of up to 40 (some say 10 or 16) dimensions of which we are currently familiar with only four of them. The others have either been lost or rolled up into tiny loops, which is part of Kaluza-Klein theory of extra dimensions. Now the problems that come to mind are how can you lose dimensions and who lost them? Is there a giant extra-terrestrial lost and found out there? And exactly what did we lose. Microsoft spell checker seems to confuse Kaluza with Klaus (Santa Claus) which might explain some of the supernatural powers that Santa possesses. However, there is one supernatural occurrence with which we are all familiar—the lost sock in the washing machine. 300 millions of them disappear a year in the good old USA. Vanished with no trace whatsoever. We are told that they don’t go down the drain and they are not anywhere in the washer. Just gone! Now unless some extra-terrestrial has a sock fetish the best explanation is that they have become part of a tiny Klaus-Klein loop that Santa can use whenever he needs an extra sock on Christmas Eve. Who says physics is a dull subject?
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Sasquatch Mystery Solved!
With only 24 hours remaining before the math whiz guy had to return to Houston, we decided to tackle one of the world’s two great remaining mysteries. We quickly ruled out the problem of what happens to a sock in the washing machine when it disappears into another dimension. That was at least temporarily beyond the capabilities of quantum mechanics. That left the problem of the Sasquatch. We zeroed in on the four clues typically associated with a Sasquatch: barefoot footprints, a foul odor, a hairy creature and a camera-shy creature. While we were eating halibut and chips in a Seward eatery, we were suddenly overwhelmed by a tantalizing odor that did not seem to come from the kitchen but rather seemed to emanate from one of the patrons in the joint—uh establishment. It was the strong aroma of a person who had not bathed for a week or longer. We huddled and concluded what could possibly be fouler than someone who had not bathed for six months or longer. With one of the four equations solved we looked for other answers. We found one in the Nome Nugget. Robert Service had pointed out that the people of Nome seemed to sit around discussing strange things in the local barbershop. The Nugget observed that this could not be so. There was no barbershop in Nome and there never had been. The local citizens were forced to cut their own hair or try to engage someone else to do it for them. Some negotiated successfully. Others despaired and let their hair grow and grow. The editor concluded that some Nomeites soon resembled a “Sasquatch.” Now it is a well-known fact that many of them and many other people from the frozen wilds of Alaska do not bath for six months or more since they have no access to unfrozen water. One of the other states that has reported a Bigfoot sighting is Arkansas which is well know for its barefooted social outings. But what would account for barefoot footprints in Alaska? The wife it would seem finally had all that she could stand and ordered her husband to bath or else. Now being a loving husband he trotted down to the local stream after the spring breakup and took off all his clothes for a quick skinny dip. Hearing a noise nearby, he spots a group of individuals headed towards him. He leaps out of the stream. But unfortunately his clothes are on the other side. Not wanting to be seen in his birthday suit he breaks and runs just as the passersby begin to frantically click away with their cameras. Another mystery solved and only 23 hours before the plane departs for Houston.
With only 24 hours remaining before the math whiz guy had to return to Houston, we decided to tackle one of the world’s two great remaining mysteries. We quickly ruled out the problem of what happens to a sock in the washing machine when it disappears into another dimension. That was at least temporarily beyond the capabilities of quantum mechanics. That left the problem of the Sasquatch. We zeroed in on the four clues typically associated with a Sasquatch: barefoot footprints, a foul odor, a hairy creature and a camera-shy creature. While we were eating halibut and chips in a Seward eatery, we were suddenly overwhelmed by a tantalizing odor that did not seem to come from the kitchen but rather seemed to emanate from one of the patrons in the joint—uh establishment. It was the strong aroma of a person who had not bathed for a week or longer. We huddled and concluded what could possibly be fouler than someone who had not bathed for six months or longer. With one of the four equations solved we looked for other answers. We found one in the Nome Nugget. Robert Service had pointed out that the people of Nome seemed to sit around discussing strange things in the local barbershop. The Nugget observed that this could not be so. There was no barbershop in Nome and there never had been. The local citizens were forced to cut their own hair or try to engage someone else to do it for them. Some negotiated successfully. Others despaired and let their hair grow and grow. The editor concluded that some Nomeites soon resembled a “Sasquatch.” Now it is a well-known fact that many of them and many other people from the frozen wilds of Alaska do not bath for six months or more since they have no access to unfrozen water. One of the other states that has reported a Bigfoot sighting is Arkansas which is well know for its barefooted social outings. But what would account for barefoot footprints in Alaska? The wife it would seem finally had all that she could stand and ordered her husband to bath or else. Now being a loving husband he trotted down to the local stream after the spring breakup and took off all his clothes for a quick skinny dip. Hearing a noise nearby, he spots a group of individuals headed towards him. He leaps out of the stream. But unfortunately his clothes are on the other side. Not wanting to be seen in his birthday suit he breaks and runs just as the passersby begin to frantically click away with their cameras. Another mystery solved and only 23 hours before the plane departs for Houston.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
The Christmas Totem Pole
When the Rev. David Fison was pastor of a Church in Ketchikan, he realized that much of the Christmas story had no relevance for the Tsimshian people. A few minor glitches: there were no shepherds and no donkey for Mary. And some major glitches: names for God and the Heavenly Host. While he was interim pastor in the Tsimshian village of Meltakatla he knew that he would have to use the traditional method of Tsimshian story telling, a totem pole, if he was going to succeed in his plan. When he was transferred to Fairbanks he researched and found the Tsimshian equivalents for Christian symbolism. Shepherds would need to be replaced with keepers of the village fish traps since there were no domestic animals. Travel would have to be by canoe. An Angel would become Raven and Frog would be the messenger sent by the “Great Chief of the Heavens” to warn Joseph, the woodcarver. In 1987 he completed a 12-foot yellow cedar totem pole which told the Christmas Story in Tsimshian symbols. Fison wrote a poem to explain the pole. A few excerpts:
“The let this pole proclaim:
That “Great Chief of the Heavens”
Was their Creator’s name.
Black Raven was His Messenger
To Bring His word it seems.
And Frog, the lesser creature,
He sent to them in dreams.
…
Men tending village fishtraps
Heard the Raven’s song,
And ran to find a Saviour
Promised e’er so long.
In 1997 Fison completed an Easter Totem Pole. Today the Christmas Totem Pole can be seen around the world including the Vatican. 27-inch models of both poles are available. Contact Fison at totem@alaska.net.
