Monday, April 10, 2006
Froggy’s Courting Days Appear to Be Over!
Is there a single child in elementary school who has not been taught the lyrics to Froggy Went a Courting and He Did Ride? As they sing they probably are thinking of Kermit the Frog or some other lovable stuffed amphibian toy instead of a common bullfrog. I remember spring rains producing hundred of thousands of tadpoles and tiny toads everywhere. I remember watching tadpoles morph into frogs. I thrilled to the story of “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County.” As told by Mark Twain, Jim Smiley had a favorite frog named Daniel Webster whom he had trained to catch flies on command and to jump. In an effort to scrounge up a bet with a stranger, Jim went into a nearby swamp to catch a plain, ordinary frog to jump against his champion. While he was gone the stranger poured a generous dose of bird shot down Daniel’s throat. Of course Daniel Webster lost the jumpoff.
Then there is the classical story of two good old boys from Arkansas who went frog gigging. The story was allegedly published in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette on July 25, 1996. I say allegedly because I recycled my copy of that paper a day or two before the controversy erupted. The paper searched its archives but could find no trace of the article. You can think what you will but I am pretty confident of what I read. The alleged dateline was Cotton Plant, Arkansas. The two guys were returning to Little Rock when the headlights on the pickup went out due to a fuse malfunction. One of the quick-thinking chaps popped a 22 bullet into the fuse holder. It worked perfectly—for a while at least. Then it overheated and the bullet fired—right into the testicle of Thurston. When notified of the accident, Thurston’s wife had just one thing to say, “What happened to the frogs?”
Then there is the classic recipe for witch’s brew: Eye of toad, Ear of Bat, Leg of frog, Tail of Cat. Where would the witches be without all that?
Sometimes childhood memories are precious and unforgettable even if they are wrong. In our urban environment, how many of our munchkins have ever picked up a frog or a toad? How many have missed out on being told that if you pick up a toad and he wets on you, you will get warts? Since no one wants to get one of those hideous warts, kids tend to keep their distance from frogs and toads. It is Nature’s way of protecting Brother Toad.
However, all that may be for naught. Frogs are rapidly becoming endangered species. Thirty-eight percent of all of them are already on that list. And it is not because they all have a belly full of birdshot. The Cairns Frog Hospital in Australia has stopped taking new patients (bet you did not even know there was a frog hospital). The government has stopped all funding—effectively ending Medicare for frogs. All this at a time when frogs are suffering from untold birth defects. Many are being born with an extra leg, but many more are being born with a missing leg or two deformed rear legs.
Now it might not be such a bad thing if they had an extra appendage—especially for those people who get a sudden craving for frog legs at their local diner. However, a few years ago a major poultry processor was bemoaning the crisis produced by a surplus of chicken wings. Then the fad of buffalo wings hit. Suddenly chicken research became interested in trying to grow chickens with three wings. Does it not strike you as kind of strange that when frogs started showing up with a missing limb that the buffalo wing phenomenon suddenly took off like a bat out of hell?
Before you slip into a comfort zone and start thinking that buffalo wings are a cure for all that ails the world, please note the following. Bird Flu could soon wreck havoc not only on the drumstick industry but Thanksgiving’s fare as well. Just think of a world without turkey. And a world without Big Macs since Mad Cow Disease has already put a damper on the beef industry. If kids will not eat carrots, then they certainly will not go for Tofu Burgers in their Happy Meals. Mercury likewise has started to crop up in our fish supply. Now, expectant mothers are being cautioned not to chow down on tuna. I guess it is time to mosey over to the tofu line, or horror of horrors—the rice cake line. Sadly, frogs could soon be a thing of the past, right up there with the dinosaurs. Warts will be with us forever.
Is there a single child in elementary school who has not been taught the lyrics to Froggy Went a Courting and He Did Ride? As they sing they probably are thinking of Kermit the Frog or some other lovable stuffed amphibian toy instead of a common bullfrog. I remember spring rains producing hundred of thousands of tadpoles and tiny toads everywhere. I remember watching tadpoles morph into frogs. I thrilled to the story of “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County.” As told by Mark Twain, Jim Smiley had a favorite frog named Daniel Webster whom he had trained to catch flies on command and to jump. In an effort to scrounge up a bet with a stranger, Jim went into a nearby swamp to catch a plain, ordinary frog to jump against his champion. While he was gone the stranger poured a generous dose of bird shot down Daniel’s throat. Of course Daniel Webster lost the jumpoff.
Then there is the classical story of two good old boys from Arkansas who went frog gigging. The story was allegedly published in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette on July 25, 1996. I say allegedly because I recycled my copy of that paper a day or two before the controversy erupted. The paper searched its archives but could find no trace of the article. You can think what you will but I am pretty confident of what I read. The alleged dateline was Cotton Plant, Arkansas. The two guys were returning to Little Rock when the headlights on the pickup went out due to a fuse malfunction. One of the quick-thinking chaps popped a 22 bullet into the fuse holder. It worked perfectly—for a while at least. Then it overheated and the bullet fired—right into the testicle of Thurston. When notified of the accident, Thurston’s wife had just one thing to say, “What happened to the frogs?”
Then there is the classic recipe for witch’s brew: Eye of toad, Ear of Bat, Leg of frog, Tail of Cat. Where would the witches be without all that?
Sometimes childhood memories are precious and unforgettable even if they are wrong. In our urban environment, how many of our munchkins have ever picked up a frog or a toad? How many have missed out on being told that if you pick up a toad and he wets on you, you will get warts? Since no one wants to get one of those hideous warts, kids tend to keep their distance from frogs and toads. It is Nature’s way of protecting Brother Toad.
However, all that may be for naught. Frogs are rapidly becoming endangered species. Thirty-eight percent of all of them are already on that list. And it is not because they all have a belly full of birdshot. The Cairns Frog Hospital in Australia has stopped taking new patients (bet you did not even know there was a frog hospital). The government has stopped all funding—effectively ending Medicare for frogs. All this at a time when frogs are suffering from untold birth defects. Many are being born with an extra leg, but many more are being born with a missing leg or two deformed rear legs.
Now it might not be such a bad thing if they had an extra appendage—especially for those people who get a sudden craving for frog legs at their local diner. However, a few years ago a major poultry processor was bemoaning the crisis produced by a surplus of chicken wings. Then the fad of buffalo wings hit. Suddenly chicken research became interested in trying to grow chickens with three wings. Does it not strike you as kind of strange that when frogs started showing up with a missing limb that the buffalo wing phenomenon suddenly took off like a bat out of hell?
Before you slip into a comfort zone and start thinking that buffalo wings are a cure for all that ails the world, please note the following. Bird Flu could soon wreck havoc not only on the drumstick industry but Thanksgiving’s fare as well. Just think of a world without turkey. And a world without Big Macs since Mad Cow Disease has already put a damper on the beef industry. If kids will not eat carrots, then they certainly will not go for Tofu Burgers in their Happy Meals. Mercury likewise has started to crop up in our fish supply. Now, expectant mothers are being cautioned not to chow down on tuna. I guess it is time to mosey over to the tofu line, or horror of horrors—the rice cake line. Sadly, frogs could soon be a thing of the past, right up there with the dinosaurs. Warts will be with us forever.
