Monday, June 05, 2006
I do! I do!
In the Fiddler on the Roof Hodel sings the praises of Yente, the local matchmaker. “Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a match.” She explains, “Well, somebody has to arrange the matches, young people can't decide these things themselves.” Good advise for certain people. And a certain person in the village of Atala near Bhubaneswar, India, comes to mind. Earlier this month she married a snake. Not just any snake, mind you, but a king cobra. Admittedly, she was from the lower caste and her family probably did not have much to offer in the way of a dowry. But a snake? She said ,“Though snakes cannot speak nor understand, we communicate in a peculiar way.” Very peculiar if you ask me! Now she may have entered the union without any reservations, but the snake seem to be having second thoughts. In fact, he was a no-show. The wedding party had to use a stand-in bronze replica. She also noted that thus far the snake has done her no harm. Thus far? And if the marriage should fail to last, how will she get a divorce? It won’t be as easy as it was for a Muslim who murmured in his sleep three times, “I divorce you.” And presto the clerics ruled that he was divorced. It reminds me of a Dorothy Parker quote, “I require three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.” Now there is no doubt that the cobra is ruthless and stupid. But if he is the most handsome male in the village, it does not speak well of the other guys.
Now there was no mention of her looks. Looks are, of course, not everything. Danton, of French Revolution fame, was attacked by a bull, trampled by a herd of pigs, and was pitted with smallpox scars. He was in desperate need of a plastic surgeon. Yet he found a wife. Barbara Tuchman, author of The Guns of August and numerous other books was described as being a bit homely while she was a student at Radcliffe. However, she had no shortage of dates or suitors. Muslims women wear those burqas and the men don’t even know what they are getting until after the marriage. But then maybe that is why the Muslim gent screamed out in his sleep, “I divorce you!”
Women just need to be a little more creative in their approach. I once knew a first year history professor at a large university in the South. The University had an ironclad rule: faculty could not date freshmen. Well, the young prof threw caution to the wind. He started dating one of his freshmen students. On about the second or third date, she invited him to her house for a party. He walked in and she introduced him to her father, who just happened to be the president. The historian was speechless for a few seconds. Then he regained his composure. “Your daughter and I are getting married.”
If all else fails in the lower forty-eight, women can always come to Alaska. There is a local cliché—“The odds are good but the goods are odd!”
Prior to the invention of photography, people would exchange portraits. And they might not see each other until the wedding itself. And a good artist could take artistic license with your face. But if the dowry were right, the man never said a word. A woman could only wish that it were a bad dream or maybe her husband would just slither away before daybreak. OK! Maybe the snake marriage was not such a bad deal after all!
In the Fiddler on the Roof Hodel sings the praises of Yente, the local matchmaker. “Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a match.” She explains, “Well, somebody has to arrange the matches, young people can't decide these things themselves.” Good advise for certain people. And a certain person in the village of Atala near Bhubaneswar, India, comes to mind. Earlier this month she married a snake. Not just any snake, mind you, but a king cobra. Admittedly, she was from the lower caste and her family probably did not have much to offer in the way of a dowry. But a snake? She said ,“Though snakes cannot speak nor understand, we communicate in a peculiar way.” Very peculiar if you ask me! Now she may have entered the union without any reservations, but the snake seem to be having second thoughts. In fact, he was a no-show. The wedding party had to use a stand-in bronze replica. She also noted that thus far the snake has done her no harm. Thus far? And if the marriage should fail to last, how will she get a divorce? It won’t be as easy as it was for a Muslim who murmured in his sleep three times, “I divorce you.” And presto the clerics ruled that he was divorced. It reminds me of a Dorothy Parker quote, “I require three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.” Now there is no doubt that the cobra is ruthless and stupid. But if he is the most handsome male in the village, it does not speak well of the other guys.
Now there was no mention of her looks. Looks are, of course, not everything. Danton, of French Revolution fame, was attacked by a bull, trampled by a herd of pigs, and was pitted with smallpox scars. He was in desperate need of a plastic surgeon. Yet he found a wife. Barbara Tuchman, author of The Guns of August and numerous other books was described as being a bit homely while she was a student at Radcliffe. However, she had no shortage of dates or suitors. Muslims women wear those burqas and the men don’t even know what they are getting until after the marriage. But then maybe that is why the Muslim gent screamed out in his sleep, “I divorce you!”
Women just need to be a little more creative in their approach. I once knew a first year history professor at a large university in the South. The University had an ironclad rule: faculty could not date freshmen. Well, the young prof threw caution to the wind. He started dating one of his freshmen students. On about the second or third date, she invited him to her house for a party. He walked in and she introduced him to her father, who just happened to be the president. The historian was speechless for a few seconds. Then he regained his composure. “Your daughter and I are getting married.”
If all else fails in the lower forty-eight, women can always come to Alaska. There is a local cliché—“The odds are good but the goods are odd!”
Prior to the invention of photography, people would exchange portraits. And they might not see each other until the wedding itself. And a good artist could take artistic license with your face. But if the dowry were right, the man never said a word. A woman could only wish that it were a bad dream or maybe her husband would just slither away before daybreak. OK! Maybe the snake marriage was not such a bad deal after all!
