Friday, April 14, 2006
Coming Soon to a Station Near You!
In case you have not noticed yet one of the hottest spectator sports going these days is Texas Hold’Em Poker. It is everywhere. It is on ESPN and the Travel Channel. It features actors, actresses and the usual has-beens, much like some TV game shows. But there are ominous warning signs that the party is about over. Deluxe Texas-Hold’Em sets are going unsold and are being dumped in the clearance bins at drastically reduced prices. Nelson ratings have also started dipping. So already ESPN has started frantically searching for the next big thing. Right now they are focused on a professional domino league. The Network is in cohoots with the Professional Domino Association and has helped sponsor five tournaments. Don’t laugh! First prize is $10,000. The new league has a paltry 170 members, but it has scheduled 12 tournaments so far this year. The League apparently has a TV contract, but it is going head to head against some heavy hitters: the National SCRABBLE® Championship, World SCRABBLE® Championship, the National Tiddlywinks Associations, and the formidable National Mah Jongg League which boasts over 200,000 members. There is also competition from within their own ranks: the Andalusia Annual World Championship Domino Tournament held every year in Andalusia, Alabama, and the World Domino Tournament in Las Vegas with $150,000 in prize money. ESPN is already a proud sponsor of the latter event.
Is it just a coincidence that the new domino league is starting out in Texas? The Long Star State has already given us this new poker game. And it popularized Forty-Two, another domino game, and Mexican Train, yet another domino game. One of the first mentions of dominoes in the state of Texas comes from LBJ who related how he learned the game from his father who like to sit up late to play dominoes and to down a few beers. LBJ followed in his father’s footsteps, only he substituted bourbon for the beer. When LBJ inherited that mess in Vietnam, he soon began using the domino analogy to explain why we must prevail there. The countries in that part of the world are like dominoes all lined up. Tip one over and they all fall one by one. So there is bad karma to overcome for the domino league.
Domino players of the world must also bear up under some recent bad publicity. Last year in Leewarden, Netherlands, tragedy struck at a highly publicized event. Employees of a local TV station had labored for weeks to set up 4,002,136 dominoes for Domino Day in order to establish a new, world record for domino toppling. Suddenly, a sparrow gained entry to the theatre and in a matter of seconds wrecked havoc—toppling over 23,000 dominoes to set a new record for the most dominoes toppled by a bird. The witnesses were not amused. After all they could care less about the bird’s record. All that mattered was their own record. So a man shot the sparrow. Of course, everything was captured on film. A world furor resulted.
Presumably dominoes originated in China. Although Chinese checkers originated in the United States. The Chinese version of the game was based on a pair of dice. Each half of a domino contained the face of one die, while the other half contained the other face. That only produced 21 dominoes. The other seven in a traditional set were added when Americans introduced blanks. Some people say that the Americans have been firing blanks every since. The Chinese decided to move on to something more exciting with their ivory tiles—mah jong. Some say Confucius invented the game. For a while the game was reserved for the royalty. Commoners who played were… decapitated. So there were few who played and even fewer who played a second time. Eventually, everyone was granted the privilege of playing. When Joseph P. Babcock brought that game to the United States in 1920 from Shanghai, it took the country by storm. Babcock changed the rules somewhat. All references to decapitation were eliminated. With that hurdle out of the way, a mah jong shortage quickly developed. To avoid a national panic, bones were shipped from Kansas City and Chicago to provide raw materials for the manufacture of the sets. Please note that today when players speak of the “boneyard” in dominoes, there really was a time when the boneyard came from a boneyard.
In the twenties mah jong had various aliases. Some simply called the game Chinese Dominoes. Others used the English translation—the sparrow game. Whoops! The sparrow is the patron mascot of dominoes. And the people in the Netherlands did what? St. Francis is probably turning over in his tomb. So here is some parting advice for the new domino league: watch the trash talk and don’t mess with the birds.
In case you have not noticed yet one of the hottest spectator sports going these days is Texas Hold’Em Poker. It is everywhere. It is on ESPN and the Travel Channel. It features actors, actresses and the usual has-beens, much like some TV game shows. But there are ominous warning signs that the party is about over. Deluxe Texas-Hold’Em sets are going unsold and are being dumped in the clearance bins at drastically reduced prices. Nelson ratings have also started dipping. So already ESPN has started frantically searching for the next big thing. Right now they are focused on a professional domino league. The Network is in cohoots with the Professional Domino Association and has helped sponsor five tournaments. Don’t laugh! First prize is $10,000. The new league has a paltry 170 members, but it has scheduled 12 tournaments so far this year. The League apparently has a TV contract, but it is going head to head against some heavy hitters: the National SCRABBLE® Championship, World SCRABBLE® Championship, the National Tiddlywinks Associations, and the formidable National Mah Jongg League which boasts over 200,000 members. There is also competition from within their own ranks: the Andalusia Annual World Championship Domino Tournament held every year in Andalusia, Alabama, and the World Domino Tournament in Las Vegas with $150,000 in prize money. ESPN is already a proud sponsor of the latter event.
Is it just a coincidence that the new domino league is starting out in Texas? The Long Star State has already given us this new poker game. And it popularized Forty-Two, another domino game, and Mexican Train, yet another domino game. One of the first mentions of dominoes in the state of Texas comes from LBJ who related how he learned the game from his father who like to sit up late to play dominoes and to down a few beers. LBJ followed in his father’s footsteps, only he substituted bourbon for the beer. When LBJ inherited that mess in Vietnam, he soon began using the domino analogy to explain why we must prevail there. The countries in that part of the world are like dominoes all lined up. Tip one over and they all fall one by one. So there is bad karma to overcome for the domino league.
Domino players of the world must also bear up under some recent bad publicity. Last year in Leewarden, Netherlands, tragedy struck at a highly publicized event. Employees of a local TV station had labored for weeks to set up 4,002,136 dominoes for Domino Day in order to establish a new, world record for domino toppling. Suddenly, a sparrow gained entry to the theatre and in a matter of seconds wrecked havoc—toppling over 23,000 dominoes to set a new record for the most dominoes toppled by a bird. The witnesses were not amused. After all they could care less about the bird’s record. All that mattered was their own record. So a man shot the sparrow. Of course, everything was captured on film. A world furor resulted.
Presumably dominoes originated in China. Although Chinese checkers originated in the United States. The Chinese version of the game was based on a pair of dice. Each half of a domino contained the face of one die, while the other half contained the other face. That only produced 21 dominoes. The other seven in a traditional set were added when Americans introduced blanks. Some people say that the Americans have been firing blanks every since. The Chinese decided to move on to something more exciting with their ivory tiles—mah jong. Some say Confucius invented the game. For a while the game was reserved for the royalty. Commoners who played were… decapitated. So there were few who played and even fewer who played a second time. Eventually, everyone was granted the privilege of playing. When Joseph P. Babcock brought that game to the United States in 1920 from Shanghai, it took the country by storm. Babcock changed the rules somewhat. All references to decapitation were eliminated. With that hurdle out of the way, a mah jong shortage quickly developed. To avoid a national panic, bones were shipped from Kansas City and Chicago to provide raw materials for the manufacture of the sets. Please note that today when players speak of the “boneyard” in dominoes, there really was a time when the boneyard came from a boneyard.
In the twenties mah jong had various aliases. Some simply called the game Chinese Dominoes. Others used the English translation—the sparrow game. Whoops! The sparrow is the patron mascot of dominoes. And the people in the Netherlands did what? St. Francis is probably turning over in his tomb. So here is some parting advice for the new domino league: watch the trash talk and don’t mess with the birds.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
A Bit Frazzled By the Whole Experience But Still in One Piece!
Surely you remember the story of Little Red Riding Hood. But do you remember her grandmother? She was gobbled up by the wolf, but was miraculously saved by the kindly woodsman who forced the wolf to spit her out. Her medical condition was reported as “a bit frazzled by the whole experience but still in one piece.” What more could you expect? “All’s well that ends well.” Granny was spared to totter on to the next century, but now her very existence may be threatened.
The LA Police Department has just busted an 82-year-old-woman for taking too long to cross the street. Mayvis Coyle was given a $114 traffic ticket for obstructing traffic because she failed to make it across the street before the “Walk Signal” turned red and the traffic light changed as well. It was probably a good thing that the policeman was not working the streets of Vienna a decade or so ago. Back then the little old ladies ruled both the streets and the sidewalks. At many dangerous intersections there were no signals. You would literally take your life in your hands should you set a foot in the street filled with kamikaze cars. That is unless you were a weathered grandmother. When they planted a foot in the street every approaching car came to a loud, screeching stop. Grandmothers commanded respect. If you happened to be walking on one of the sidewalks where it suddenly narrowed into a one-person venue, you prayed that you would not suddenly come face to face with a granny. Some carried canes, but most settled for an umbrella which they were quick to use should you fail to yield to them. Better to leap out into the traffic and take your chances with the cars than to face a certain fate with an umbrella-welding grandmother.
At a time in life when many of us have to be medevaced out of bed in the morning, it is nice to note that in some circles grannies still command respect. Maybe you remember the case of 96-year-old Nellie Mitchell of Mountain Home, Arkansas. She woke up one morning and saw her picture in the supermarket tabloid with the caption, "World's Oldest Newspaper Carrier, 101, Quits Because She's Pregnant!" Now Miss Nellie was not going to take that lying down. She sued and won the not-so-paltry sum of $850,000 in punitive damages. The tabloid argued that anyone should have known by common sense that there was no truth to the story. Apparently they don’t know Arkansas women.
Then there is the story of Alicia Sorohan, a 61-year-old Australian grandmother of Brisbane, Australia. She was camping with a friend when a 14-foot crocodile grabbed her friend. Without a moment’s hesitation she jumped on the back of the croc trying to force the oversized critter to turn loose her friend. She succeeded, of course, and was awarded the Star of Courage, which recognizes Australian citizens for acts of outstanding bravery. She would have been right at home in Vienna.
Now, I have one bit of advice for all the traffic cops in LA. Be very careful before you bust any more grannies!
Surely you remember the story of Little Red Riding Hood. But do you remember her grandmother? She was gobbled up by the wolf, but was miraculously saved by the kindly woodsman who forced the wolf to spit her out. Her medical condition was reported as “a bit frazzled by the whole experience but still in one piece.” What more could you expect? “All’s well that ends well.” Granny was spared to totter on to the next century, but now her very existence may be threatened.
The LA Police Department has just busted an 82-year-old-woman for taking too long to cross the street. Mayvis Coyle was given a $114 traffic ticket for obstructing traffic because she failed to make it across the street before the “Walk Signal” turned red and the traffic light changed as well. It was probably a good thing that the policeman was not working the streets of Vienna a decade or so ago. Back then the little old ladies ruled both the streets and the sidewalks. At many dangerous intersections there were no signals. You would literally take your life in your hands should you set a foot in the street filled with kamikaze cars. That is unless you were a weathered grandmother. When they planted a foot in the street every approaching car came to a loud, screeching stop. Grandmothers commanded respect. If you happened to be walking on one of the sidewalks where it suddenly narrowed into a one-person venue, you prayed that you would not suddenly come face to face with a granny. Some carried canes, but most settled for an umbrella which they were quick to use should you fail to yield to them. Better to leap out into the traffic and take your chances with the cars than to face a certain fate with an umbrella-welding grandmother.
At a time in life when many of us have to be medevaced out of bed in the morning, it is nice to note that in some circles grannies still command respect. Maybe you remember the case of 96-year-old Nellie Mitchell of Mountain Home, Arkansas. She woke up one morning and saw her picture in the supermarket tabloid with the caption, "World's Oldest Newspaper Carrier, 101, Quits Because She's Pregnant!" Now Miss Nellie was not going to take that lying down. She sued and won the not-so-paltry sum of $850,000 in punitive damages. The tabloid argued that anyone should have known by common sense that there was no truth to the story. Apparently they don’t know Arkansas women.
Then there is the story of Alicia Sorohan, a 61-year-old Australian grandmother of Brisbane, Australia. She was camping with a friend when a 14-foot crocodile grabbed her friend. Without a moment’s hesitation she jumped on the back of the croc trying to force the oversized critter to turn loose her friend. She succeeded, of course, and was awarded the Star of Courage, which recognizes Australian citizens for acts of outstanding bravery. She would have been right at home in Vienna.
Now, I have one bit of advice for all the traffic cops in LA. Be very careful before you bust any more grannies!
Monday, April 10, 2006
Froggy’s Courting Days Appear to Be Over!
Is there a single child in elementary school who has not been taught the lyrics to Froggy Went a Courting and He Did Ride? As they sing they probably are thinking of Kermit the Frog or some other lovable stuffed amphibian toy instead of a common bullfrog. I remember spring rains producing hundred of thousands of tadpoles and tiny toads everywhere. I remember watching tadpoles morph into frogs. I thrilled to the story of “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County.” As told by Mark Twain, Jim Smiley had a favorite frog named Daniel Webster whom he had trained to catch flies on command and to jump. In an effort to scrounge up a bet with a stranger, Jim went into a nearby swamp to catch a plain, ordinary frog to jump against his champion. While he was gone the stranger poured a generous dose of bird shot down Daniel’s throat. Of course Daniel Webster lost the jumpoff.
Then there is the classical story of two good old boys from Arkansas who went frog gigging. The story was allegedly published in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette on July 25, 1996. I say allegedly because I recycled my copy of that paper a day or two before the controversy erupted. The paper searched its archives but could find no trace of the article. You can think what you will but I am pretty confident of what I read. The alleged dateline was Cotton Plant, Arkansas. The two guys were returning to Little Rock when the headlights on the pickup went out due to a fuse malfunction. One of the quick-thinking chaps popped a 22 bullet into the fuse holder. It worked perfectly—for a while at least. Then it overheated and the bullet fired—right into the testicle of Thurston. When notified of the accident, Thurston’s wife had just one thing to say, “What happened to the frogs?”
Then there is the classic recipe for witch’s brew: Eye of toad, Ear of Bat, Leg of frog, Tail of Cat. Where would the witches be without all that?
Sometimes childhood memories are precious and unforgettable even if they are wrong. In our urban environment, how many of our munchkins have ever picked up a frog or a toad? How many have missed out on being told that if you pick up a toad and he wets on you, you will get warts? Since no one wants to get one of those hideous warts, kids tend to keep their distance from frogs and toads. It is Nature’s way of protecting Brother Toad.
However, all that may be for naught. Frogs are rapidly becoming endangered species. Thirty-eight percent of all of them are already on that list. And it is not because they all have a belly full of birdshot. The Cairns Frog Hospital in Australia has stopped taking new patients (bet you did not even know there was a frog hospital). The government has stopped all funding—effectively ending Medicare for frogs. All this at a time when frogs are suffering from untold birth defects. Many are being born with an extra leg, but many more are being born with a missing leg or two deformed rear legs.
Now it might not be such a bad thing if they had an extra appendage—especially for those people who get a sudden craving for frog legs at their local diner. However, a few years ago a major poultry processor was bemoaning the crisis produced by a surplus of chicken wings. Then the fad of buffalo wings hit. Suddenly chicken research became interested in trying to grow chickens with three wings. Does it not strike you as kind of strange that when frogs started showing up with a missing limb that the buffalo wing phenomenon suddenly took off like a bat out of hell?
Before you slip into a comfort zone and start thinking that buffalo wings are a cure for all that ails the world, please note the following. Bird Flu could soon wreck havoc not only on the drumstick industry but Thanksgiving’s fare as well. Just think of a world without turkey. And a world without Big Macs since Mad Cow Disease has already put a damper on the beef industry. If kids will not eat carrots, then they certainly will not go for Tofu Burgers in their Happy Meals. Mercury likewise has started to crop up in our fish supply. Now, expectant mothers are being cautioned not to chow down on tuna. I guess it is time to mosey over to the tofu line, or horror of horrors—the rice cake line. Sadly, frogs could soon be a thing of the past, right up there with the dinosaurs. Warts will be with us forever.
Is there a single child in elementary school who has not been taught the lyrics to Froggy Went a Courting and He Did Ride? As they sing they probably are thinking of Kermit the Frog or some other lovable stuffed amphibian toy instead of a common bullfrog. I remember spring rains producing hundred of thousands of tadpoles and tiny toads everywhere. I remember watching tadpoles morph into frogs. I thrilled to the story of “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County.” As told by Mark Twain, Jim Smiley had a favorite frog named Daniel Webster whom he had trained to catch flies on command and to jump. In an effort to scrounge up a bet with a stranger, Jim went into a nearby swamp to catch a plain, ordinary frog to jump against his champion. While he was gone the stranger poured a generous dose of bird shot down Daniel’s throat. Of course Daniel Webster lost the jumpoff.
Then there is the classical story of two good old boys from Arkansas who went frog gigging. The story was allegedly published in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette on July 25, 1996. I say allegedly because I recycled my copy of that paper a day or two before the controversy erupted. The paper searched its archives but could find no trace of the article. You can think what you will but I am pretty confident of what I read. The alleged dateline was Cotton Plant, Arkansas. The two guys were returning to Little Rock when the headlights on the pickup went out due to a fuse malfunction. One of the quick-thinking chaps popped a 22 bullet into the fuse holder. It worked perfectly—for a while at least. Then it overheated and the bullet fired—right into the testicle of Thurston. When notified of the accident, Thurston’s wife had just one thing to say, “What happened to the frogs?”
Then there is the classic recipe for witch’s brew: Eye of toad, Ear of Bat, Leg of frog, Tail of Cat. Where would the witches be without all that?
Sometimes childhood memories are precious and unforgettable even if they are wrong. In our urban environment, how many of our munchkins have ever picked up a frog or a toad? How many have missed out on being told that if you pick up a toad and he wets on you, you will get warts? Since no one wants to get one of those hideous warts, kids tend to keep their distance from frogs and toads. It is Nature’s way of protecting Brother Toad.
However, all that may be for naught. Frogs are rapidly becoming endangered species. Thirty-eight percent of all of them are already on that list. And it is not because they all have a belly full of birdshot. The Cairns Frog Hospital in Australia has stopped taking new patients (bet you did not even know there was a frog hospital). The government has stopped all funding—effectively ending Medicare for frogs. All this at a time when frogs are suffering from untold birth defects. Many are being born with an extra leg, but many more are being born with a missing leg or two deformed rear legs.
Now it might not be such a bad thing if they had an extra appendage—especially for those people who get a sudden craving for frog legs at their local diner. However, a few years ago a major poultry processor was bemoaning the crisis produced by a surplus of chicken wings. Then the fad of buffalo wings hit. Suddenly chicken research became interested in trying to grow chickens with three wings. Does it not strike you as kind of strange that when frogs started showing up with a missing limb that the buffalo wing phenomenon suddenly took off like a bat out of hell?
Before you slip into a comfort zone and start thinking that buffalo wings are a cure for all that ails the world, please note the following. Bird Flu could soon wreck havoc not only on the drumstick industry but Thanksgiving’s fare as well. Just think of a world without turkey. And a world without Big Macs since Mad Cow Disease has already put a damper on the beef industry. If kids will not eat carrots, then they certainly will not go for Tofu Burgers in their Happy Meals. Mercury likewise has started to crop up in our fish supply. Now, expectant mothers are being cautioned not to chow down on tuna. I guess it is time to mosey over to the tofu line, or horror of horrors—the rice cake line. Sadly, frogs could soon be a thing of the past, right up there with the dinosaurs. Warts will be with us forever.
