North to Alaska

A Modest Proposal!

Egon Settle of Arlington, Texas, has come up with a unique way to protest the high cost of gas--by riding Free Fallin', his horse, around town to run errands. He leaves the horse in the parking lot while minding his hair styling business. Reminds me of the time that I saw two people riding their horses along the shoulder of the highway, wearing t-shirts that said, “Keep on Trucking.”
But when was the last memorable time that someone rode a horse to protest a serious drain on his or her pocketbook? First, let’s scratch off our list a whole group of people: Jesse James, Butch Cassidy, Black Bart and similar types. After all when it was all said and done they were actually filling their wallets with the assistance of their horses. In my memory I can’t think of a single one. Although I can recall motorcades of Harleys, 18-wheelers and tractors used in protest. Nope! We have to go back to our history books. Way back to the 11th century. Way back to a different continent. To a time when there knights everywhere. Way back to Coventry, England. Leofric III, Earl of Mercia and Lord of Coventry, had imposed extremely high taxes on his subjects. His wife protested on behalf of the people. The Earl was subjected to incessant appeals. In desperation he finally told his wife he would lower the taxes if, and only if, she would ride naked through the streets of Coventry. To his amazement, Lady Godiva shed her clothes, mounted her horse and took off. Only one person looked. He was given the nickname “Peeping Tom.” Now a promise is a promise even in the Middle Ages, so Leofric lowered taxes.
But the matter did not end there. On May 31, 1678, the people of Coventry decided it was high time to commemorate the event with an annual Godiva procession. Eventually engineers got into the act. They adopted Lady Godiva as their patron saint. They explained that back in the 11th century an engineer was the only person even to notice the horse. Somewhere along the way the Godiva Chocolate company was born. Don’t know what it all means, but one might need to think twice before giving a female friend a box of Godiva chocolates. Is that just a civilized way of double dog daring her to take off her clothes? And how did Campbell Soup Company come to buy Godiva Chocolates?
But the strangest case of all is Theodor Geisel who wrote "The Seven Lady Godivas.” Geisel wanted to set the record straight about what actually happened in ancient Coventry. There was not just one Lady Godiva, but seven sisters and of course seven “Peeping Toms.” Geisel’s full name was Theodor Seuss Geisel—Dr. Seuss. For a while he managed an advertising campaign for Standard Oil.
Back to the basics. Godiva did ride bareback and bare all over through the streets. And she got what she wanted. But what about today? Riding a horse probably won’t work. People do it every day. But riding naked through the streets might be another matter. But then again, people by the thousands have already been showing up in the streets naked to protest various causes. Even a group of elderly female gardeners got into the act (See Calendar Girls). Now what might work would be if our female US Senators took to the streets sans clothes. The men could all blindfold themselves. After all “Justice” is supposed to be blind. A few enterprising policemen would probably feel called upon to do their duty. After all permit or no permit, riding through the streets naked is a crime. Although highway robbery at the gas pumps is not. But a few naked grannies on horseback might just work. Just plan it for Mother’s Day! What type policemen would dare bust a naked granny? Especially on Mother’s Day!

The Great Escape—Animal Style!

Both the determination of the human spirit and the cleverness of man have inspired everyone who has seen The Great Escape. Although few actually escaped, many tried. Are there similar experiences by our non-human friends? You betcha!

In June 1990, Cheyenne, a 127-pound orangutan, unscrewed four bolts to escape from the Kansas City Zoo. Freedom lasted a mere 20 minutes. In January 2004, Gracie, a chimpanzee, escaped from the Los Angeles Zoo. This was her fifth jailbreak. Her freedom lasted 45 minutes. Earlier in 1993 Gracie and two other chimps grabbed a rope tossed to them by a visitor and made a break for it. In August 2003 Lowell, a 300-pound orangutan, escaped from the Seneca Park Zoo in Rochester, New York. Lowell was wise to the ways of the world. He grabbed a volunteer as a hostage and carried him through the exit. Lowell seemed to know that if security tried to use tranquilizer darts, there was a good chance they would miss him and hit the volunteer. After thinking about the whole matter for 15 minutes, he climbed back into his cage. It was just about dinnertime. In September 1992, Kongo, a 500-pound gorilla, escaped while being moved to a different cage. Two keepers tried to stand up to him. Neither apparently was familiar with the 500-pound gorilla jokes. The two keepers were subsequently hospitalized. After the gorilla was tranquilized he was dragged back to his cage. No Med-Evac for the big guy. It seems everyone else in the neighborhood was familiar with those 500-pound gorilla jokes.

There have been several mass escape attempts. In May 2005, 47 monkeys escaped from the Tulane Primate Center. The monkeys had watched carefully as the cage was opened and closed. Need we mention the old adage: “Monkey see. Monkey do.” A spokesman for the Primate Center assured the public that the monkeys were to be used for breeding purposes, not experimentation. Someone forgot to mention that to the monkeys. In April 2005, 31 chimps escaped from their cages at the Tacugama Chimpanzee Sanctuary in Sierra Leone. They used sticks to get through a sliding metal door. Need we mention the old adage: “Monkey see. Monkey do.” The chimps then tried to carjack a taxi. When the driver refused to relinquish the cab he was pulled from the driver’s seat and killed. When the chimps discovered that none of them could drive, they all scrambled away on foot. A spokesman for the sanctuary explained, “We never thought they could use sticks to destroy the door. We are dealing with a species that is very intelligent.”

Who would ever have guessed? A TV special a few years ago highlighted a group of Jamaican monkeys. They lived just outside a fancy resort. They kept an eye out for tourists on the patio—especially tourists who had ordered drinks. If a tourist should be momentarily distracted by, let’s say, a bathing beauty in the swimming pool, his drink permanently vanished. The resort no doubt sold a lot of drinks. The monkeys were all quite tipsy by the end of the day.

About twelve years ago we visited Gibraltar. We stopped for a spectacular view and walked a short distance from our car. When we returned there were three monkeys (actually Barbary Apes) on a VW van next to our car. They were sitting and enjoying the scenery. When they spotted us they all put their hands out, oblivious to all the signs that said, “Do not feed the monkeys!” A young lady in our party decided it would make a nice photo. She took out her camera and turned toward the monkeys. They all grimaced and immediately covered their eyes. Who would have guessed?

A gripping love story developed in India back in 1994. Madhubala, a domesticated elephant, was chained to a tree in the village of Gumla. A bull elephant spotted her and it was love at first sight. The villagers, sensing a possible crisis, soon began tossing firecrackers and other objects at this interloper. He became momentarily flustered and fled back into the safety of the jungle. That night he returned and broke her chains and the two fled Gumla for a brief honeymoon. A few days later Madhubala was captured and returned to her village. Everyone it seems forgot to ask permission from the groom. In a fury he returned and flattened much of the village and rescued his true love. No one it seems had ever told them a 500-pound gorilla joke. This time no one went in search for Madhubala. 7000-pound elephants are no laughing matter.

Saturday might seem like a good day for odd chores. At least that appeared to be the case for Freddy Buckland. In April 2006, he decided that would be a fine day to remove a tree that had fallen against a crocodile enclosure outside the Corroboree Park Tavern. No sooner had he fired up the saw, when Brutus, a large croc, jumped out of the water and raced toward Buckland—not to escape, but to lodge a protest about being unable to sleep through the noise. Brutus then ripped the chainsaw out of his hands and chomped on it for over an hour. Neither Buckland nor anyone else made an attempt to retrieve the saw. They had heard plenty of 500-pound gorilla jokes.

.

The Straight and the Narrow!

Remember Mickey Spillane? “Trouble walked through the door.” For Mike Hammer “trouble” was almost certainly a woman. For others it was different. Johnny Cash went to prison in 1968. Not to do time, but to do a concert for the inmates. He became an overnight sensation.
For teenage boys, a little brush with the law is often a coming-of-age experience. I have a friend who grew up in a small New Mexico town during the late 30’s. To protect the innocent I shall refer to him only as Larry. Larry and a couple of buddies got their hands on an old junker. Immediately they started thinking of something exciting to do. The town was small but nonetheless sported a stoplight on every block—six or seven in all. It was a small town. One night they noticed that no one was on the streets after 11 p.m., but the stoplights kept right on doing their thing. So they decided to go to the west end of the town and run every stoplight. They started out rather slow since they had to catch a stoplight and adjust their speed to make sure the next light turned red before they got there. They sped through the first light and started whooping and a hollering. The sheriff who was patrolling the next street over saw what was happening and headed east at fast as he could do. As the boys sped through the last light on 2nd Street, the whooping and hollering came to an abrupt halt. There in the middle of the street was the sheriff with his hands on his hips. “Larry, get out of that car right now!” It was a small town where everyone knew each other by name. He then ordered the other two out as well. He unbuckled his gun belt and let it slide to the ground. He then took off a large belt and gave each boy a thrashing they would never forget.
A few days later the boys had another idea. They had already forgotten their recent thrashing. Teenage boys after all do have rather short memories. They got a bottle of ketchup and poured it on the arm of one of the boys. They tore the sleeve off his shirt and put him in the rumble seat. They started driving slowly downtown. This time whooping, hollering and groaning. Many in the ranks of the pedestrians who witnessed the scene were damsels who were not accustomed to seeing so much blood on their city streets. They started screaming. The whooping, hollering, groaning and screaming caught the attention of the sheriff. The boys looked up and saw the sheriff standing in the streets with his hands on his hips again. The prank was over. This time they went to jail for disturbing the peace.
I have another friend whose name really was Larry. Larry grew up in a small Arkansas community. It was small, but not that small because it did have a drive-in movie theatre. One Saturday night Larry and a male friend went to the drive-in. They quickly lost interest in the movie, which was a low grade B movie at best. They began to run through the drive-in whooping and a hollering (which seems to be what teenage boys do best). There was one man there who was actually watching the movie. He told the boys to quiet down and get back in their car and watch the movie or else. They paid him no mind. They were after all teenage boys, and teenage boys are often hard of hearing. They continued to run to and fro and kept right on whooping and a hollering. They were convinced that this was the way to pick up girls. The man had had enough. He got out of his car and confronted the boys. They then noticed the badge on his shirt. He was the sheriff. The boys did not get back into their car, but they did sit next to the bumper and watch the rest of the movie. They had no choice. They were handcuffed to the bumper. No girls could be seen within fifty feet.