Friday, June 02, 2006
Love in All the Wrong Places!
If you are old enough to remember Sesame Street, which should include just about all of us, then you no doubt remember Ernie’s rendition of Rubber Duckie:
“Rubber Duckie, you're so fine
And I'm lucky that you're mine
Rubber duckie, I'm awfully fond of you.”
But these days where does one find a rubber duckie? Well, just about anywhere that is close to the ocean. Back in 1992 a cargo container fell off a ship on its way to Seattle. It contained 29,000 plastic toys, including beavers, frogs, turtles and ducks. Some of the toys have made their way to Alaska, Iceland and Boston. They have been “flirting” around the world. Two men, Dean Orbison and Curtis Ebbesmeyer have used the toys to study ocean currents around the world. They have calculated the length of time that it takes for the toys to make a complete loop. Orbison is still scooping up the ducks that are now faded white near Sitka. They show signs of bites and punctures wounds, but are otherwise in fairly decent shape. There may be more to come as 10,000 cargo containers fall into the ocean every year. But just in case, Audubon needs to add them to its checklist before they become extinct.
Recently Muenster, Germany, made the news for something other than its cheeses. A swan on the Aasee Lake has fallen in love with a plastic paddleboat. It is no ordinary boat. It is shaped like a swan—a giant swan to be certain. It is five times the size of its lovemate. The swan chases away any sailboats that venture even close to its “lover.” Local observers hope that it figures its situation out before the mating season is over. Rubber Duckies? Plastic Swans? What difference does it make? We live in a plastic world.
A moose in Anchorage is not so easily fooled. He was caught on film the second week in May trying to mate with a set of hooded mailboxes. The boxes stood six feet tall and had four legs. For what else could a moose ask? Well, maybe something that is softer and a bit cuddlier. And maybe a new pair of eyeglasses. Or possibly a rubber duckie or a plastic swan. He probably could not tell the difference anyway.
A week later in Spring Creek, Oregon, a great gray owl fell from its nest. It landed a few feet from a female turkey. Now the turkey was not quite sure what to make of the baby owl. It probably was not quite sure if the delivery came from a stork or Fed-Ex. But it was there. And it was hers. And she intended to protect it no matter what. We, “what” showed up were its true parents. But the turkey refused them all visiting rights and refused them the right to feed her baby. Soon junior was climbing on the back of the turkey, something that is completely alien to both owls and turkeys. But this was no ordinary matter. Baby turkeys do not need to be fed. Baby owls do. And unfortunately without food the owl soon departed this world.
If you are old enough to remember Sesame Street, which should include just about all of us, then you no doubt remember Ernie’s rendition of Rubber Duckie:
“Rubber Duckie, you're so fine
And I'm lucky that you're mine
Rubber duckie, I'm awfully fond of you.”
But these days where does one find a rubber duckie? Well, just about anywhere that is close to the ocean. Back in 1992 a cargo container fell off a ship on its way to Seattle. It contained 29,000 plastic toys, including beavers, frogs, turtles and ducks. Some of the toys have made their way to Alaska, Iceland and Boston. They have been “flirting” around the world. Two men, Dean Orbison and Curtis Ebbesmeyer have used the toys to study ocean currents around the world. They have calculated the length of time that it takes for the toys to make a complete loop. Orbison is still scooping up the ducks that are now faded white near Sitka. They show signs of bites and punctures wounds, but are otherwise in fairly decent shape. There may be more to come as 10,000 cargo containers fall into the ocean every year. But just in case, Audubon needs to add them to its checklist before they become extinct.
Recently Muenster, Germany, made the news for something other than its cheeses. A swan on the Aasee Lake has fallen in love with a plastic paddleboat. It is no ordinary boat. It is shaped like a swan—a giant swan to be certain. It is five times the size of its lovemate. The swan chases away any sailboats that venture even close to its “lover.” Local observers hope that it figures its situation out before the mating season is over. Rubber Duckies? Plastic Swans? What difference does it make? We live in a plastic world.
A moose in Anchorage is not so easily fooled. He was caught on film the second week in May trying to mate with a set of hooded mailboxes. The boxes stood six feet tall and had four legs. For what else could a moose ask? Well, maybe something that is softer and a bit cuddlier. And maybe a new pair of eyeglasses. Or possibly a rubber duckie or a plastic swan. He probably could not tell the difference anyway.
A week later in Spring Creek, Oregon, a great gray owl fell from its nest. It landed a few feet from a female turkey. Now the turkey was not quite sure what to make of the baby owl. It probably was not quite sure if the delivery came from a stork or Fed-Ex. But it was there. And it was hers. And she intended to protect it no matter what. We, “what” showed up were its true parents. But the turkey refused them all visiting rights and refused them the right to feed her baby. Soon junior was climbing on the back of the turkey, something that is completely alien to both owls and turkeys. But this was no ordinary matter. Baby turkeys do not need to be fed. Baby owls do. And unfortunately without food the owl soon departed this world.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Toast Spectacular!
Did you ever have one of those nights when you just could not fall asleep? Finally, after hours and hours of trying you doze off. But suddenly you are jolted awake by a horrible noise. That apparently was what happened to Marjorie Thompson of Orlando on May 25. She awoke to a horrible “WHOMP! WHOMP! WHOMP!” right over her house. She was not about to take it lying down. She barged out of the house with several bottle rockets and started “shooting” them at the helicopter. The problem was that it was a police helicopter. And the police don’t take kindly to being “shot” at even if it were only a bottle rocket. Thompson has been charged with shooting or throwing a deadly missile into an aircraft. This is not a laughing matter. The charge is a felony.
The only other time that I can remember bottle rockets being used as an attack weapon was back in the late seventies. I was helping to run a Jaycee’s firework stand. Business was slow and when business is slow then people, especially Jaycees, start horsing around. Fortunately, they were outside the firework stand. One picked up a bottle rocket, lit it and threw it at a compatriot. Within minutes bottle rockets were flying in every which direction. The fireworks stand was shut down in a hurry and I left. Bottle rockets were still flying back and forth.
On May 24, the police at Westhampton Beach, NY, confiscated a huge shipment of fireworks purchased in Maryland and illegally transported into New York. To demonstrate what could happen, they took 25 pounds of fireworks, placed them in a car and set them off. In a matter of seconds the car was a fireball. There was no mention of who owned the car. Sort of reminds me of a sign that I used to see in European airports. “Unattended bags will be placed on the tarmac and exploded.”
Not long after the first Jaycee fiasco, there was a second one. The Jaycees actually had a purpose for selling fireworks—to raise money for a community fireworks spectacular. It was a great year for fireworks and they had an ample stash. They carted them to the City Park in a van owned by the local owner of the radio station. A thousand or more people had gathered around on the grass to watch the extravaganza. The Jaycees in charge trotted back and forth to the van to extract bigger and better fireworks. They were saving the biggest of all for last. But it was a hot night and someone had left the sunroof on the van open. A rocket was ignited and went up a few short feet before it fizzed. Its trajectory had carried it right over the van. It dropped down into the van and exploded. Witnesses attest that what followed was the greatest fireworks displaced in the history of Magnolia, Ark. A barrage of rockets and other firepower quickly reduced the van to toast. But it was spectacular toast. Not everyone saw this grand finale. Most were busy gathering up their kids and scurrying for safety. The next morning all that was left of the van was a charred hull. I’m sure that it had more than 25 pounds of fireworks. And everyone in Magnolia knew who owned that van. I don’t think that it made the news on the radio. But it sure received front-page coverage in the local newspaper.
Did you ever have one of those nights when you just could not fall asleep? Finally, after hours and hours of trying you doze off. But suddenly you are jolted awake by a horrible noise. That apparently was what happened to Marjorie Thompson of Orlando on May 25. She awoke to a horrible “WHOMP! WHOMP! WHOMP!” right over her house. She was not about to take it lying down. She barged out of the house with several bottle rockets and started “shooting” them at the helicopter. The problem was that it was a police helicopter. And the police don’t take kindly to being “shot” at even if it were only a bottle rocket. Thompson has been charged with shooting or throwing a deadly missile into an aircraft. This is not a laughing matter. The charge is a felony.
The only other time that I can remember bottle rockets being used as an attack weapon was back in the late seventies. I was helping to run a Jaycee’s firework stand. Business was slow and when business is slow then people, especially Jaycees, start horsing around. Fortunately, they were outside the firework stand. One picked up a bottle rocket, lit it and threw it at a compatriot. Within minutes bottle rockets were flying in every which direction. The fireworks stand was shut down in a hurry and I left. Bottle rockets were still flying back and forth.
On May 24, the police at Westhampton Beach, NY, confiscated a huge shipment of fireworks purchased in Maryland and illegally transported into New York. To demonstrate what could happen, they took 25 pounds of fireworks, placed them in a car and set them off. In a matter of seconds the car was a fireball. There was no mention of who owned the car. Sort of reminds me of a sign that I used to see in European airports. “Unattended bags will be placed on the tarmac and exploded.”
Not long after the first Jaycee fiasco, there was a second one. The Jaycees actually had a purpose for selling fireworks—to raise money for a community fireworks spectacular. It was a great year for fireworks and they had an ample stash. They carted them to the City Park in a van owned by the local owner of the radio station. A thousand or more people had gathered around on the grass to watch the extravaganza. The Jaycees in charge trotted back and forth to the van to extract bigger and better fireworks. They were saving the biggest of all for last. But it was a hot night and someone had left the sunroof on the van open. A rocket was ignited and went up a few short feet before it fizzed. Its trajectory had carried it right over the van. It dropped down into the van and exploded. Witnesses attest that what followed was the greatest fireworks displaced in the history of Magnolia, Ark. A barrage of rockets and other firepower quickly reduced the van to toast. But it was spectacular toast. Not everyone saw this grand finale. Most were busy gathering up their kids and scurrying for safety. The next morning all that was left of the van was a charred hull. I’m sure that it had more than 25 pounds of fireworks. And everyone in Magnolia knew who owned that van. I don’t think that it made the news on the radio. But it sure received front-page coverage in the local newspaper.
