Friday, July 21, 2006
Roswell All Over Again!
Roswell, New Mexico, burst into prominence in July 1947. A ranch foreman reported that a strange object had crashed on a ranch 75 miles west of Roswell. The Roswell Army Air Field investigated and reported that it had found a flying disk. The U.S. Army Air Force was quick to release a correction saying that the crashed object was not a UFO, but a weather balloon. Controversy raged for years about a purported government cover-up. In 1994, the government announced that the crash was part of a secret balloon project to monitor Soviet atomic bomb development—Project Mogul. A few facts are certain. Roswell was a site used by Robert Goddard for his rocket work. And astronaut Edgar Mitchell attended school there. Oh! There is one other tie to rocketry. Lewis Lloyd of the Houston Rockets played basketball there.
Given its location, Roswell needs all the publicity that it can get. Not that there was ever any shortage of such. However, once the details of Project Mogul were announced, a few true believers in UFOs suddenly became a bit skeptical. After all, it is not every day that the government fesses up that it has been lying to you for 47 years. Although many of the die-hards quickly latched on to the notion that Mogul was simply a cover-up to keep the world in dark about UFO technology. They believed in a conspiracy of silence. And speaking of conspiracies, what name is most often linked to a conspiracy today? JFK!
Leave it to Dr. Donald R. Burleson who is a developmental studies lab instructor at the Roswell branch of Eastern New Mexico University to link both conspiracies. Well, at least he does drag JFK into the mess.
In his book, UFOs and the Murder of Marilyn Monroe, he theorizes that Monroe was murdered to keep the UFO secrets secret. He alleges that JFK, after a session of passionate love making with Marilyn, spilled the beans about what really happened at Roswell in 1947. Even a war hero and a President no less (although he did have a bad back) must have something to keep a woman like Monroe interested. Now, let’s see. What kind of “secret” would keep her real interested? Why, the aliens at Roswell, of course. Through the freedom of information act, Burleson uncovered a CIA memo that implies that Monroe had kept a little book of secrets of her own. Among them was a little tidbit about alien bodies and Roswell. Monroe, he argued, must be silenced at any cost. Her supposed suicide was not a suicide at all, but murder. Now what makes perfect sense to a person like me is the fact that a President would certainly want to keep secret all the nonsense that he had been feeding Marilyn. Talk about embarrassment! Yuck! But murder? I don’t think so. It wasn’t an election year.
Back in April of this year, John Humphreys revealed a little secret of his own—a secret he had carefully guarded for 11 years. Well-known for his creation of the television character Max Headroom (what else would you call it?) and for some special effects for Dr. Who, Humphreys admitted that he was one of several individuals behind Alien Autopsy, a film showing a dead alien from the1947 Roswell crash site being dissected by government scientists. It was all a hoax he admits. The grainy footage was made filmed in Roswell, but in London in 1995. The alien models were filled with sheep brains and other animal parts to help create a sense of reality. A film distributor had purportedly bought the reels from a retired American military official. A billion people worldwide have reportedly seen Alien Autopsy. A billion people. Burleson must be salivating at the thought of that.
Now what could possibly compete with a “documentary” of an alien, and a Marilyn Monroe murder? Well, try this. On Sunday, July 16, Ariana Ash was walking through the Roswell UFO Museum. Suddenly an exhibit comes alive. Two aliens swoop down and abduct the young lady. Terrified as we would all be under such circumstances, she cries out for help. Her boyfriend who has wandered off on his own, hears her cries and comes running. He subdues her abductors, drops to his knees and asks for her hand in marriage. She accepts of course. The aliens were none other than her brother-in-law and stepfather. In the melodramas of old, it was customary to hiss and throw peanuts at the villains. There was an ample supply of confetti on hand for the fake abduction, but not a single peanut. Oh, well. It is Roswell theatrics all over again.
Roswell, New Mexico, burst into prominence in July 1947. A ranch foreman reported that a strange object had crashed on a ranch 75 miles west of Roswell. The Roswell Army Air Field investigated and reported that it had found a flying disk. The U.S. Army Air Force was quick to release a correction saying that the crashed object was not a UFO, but a weather balloon. Controversy raged for years about a purported government cover-up. In 1994, the government announced that the crash was part of a secret balloon project to monitor Soviet atomic bomb development—Project Mogul. A few facts are certain. Roswell was a site used by Robert Goddard for his rocket work. And astronaut Edgar Mitchell attended school there. Oh! There is one other tie to rocketry. Lewis Lloyd of the Houston Rockets played basketball there.
Given its location, Roswell needs all the publicity that it can get. Not that there was ever any shortage of such. However, once the details of Project Mogul were announced, a few true believers in UFOs suddenly became a bit skeptical. After all, it is not every day that the government fesses up that it has been lying to you for 47 years. Although many of the die-hards quickly latched on to the notion that Mogul was simply a cover-up to keep the world in dark about UFO technology. They believed in a conspiracy of silence. And speaking of conspiracies, what name is most often linked to a conspiracy today? JFK!
Leave it to Dr. Donald R. Burleson who is a developmental studies lab instructor at the Roswell branch of Eastern New Mexico University to link both conspiracies. Well, at least he does drag JFK into the mess.
In his book, UFOs and the Murder of Marilyn Monroe, he theorizes that Monroe was murdered to keep the UFO secrets secret. He alleges that JFK, after a session of passionate love making with Marilyn, spilled the beans about what really happened at Roswell in 1947. Even a war hero and a President no less (although he did have a bad back) must have something to keep a woman like Monroe interested. Now, let’s see. What kind of “secret” would keep her real interested? Why, the aliens at Roswell, of course. Through the freedom of information act, Burleson uncovered a CIA memo that implies that Monroe had kept a little book of secrets of her own. Among them was a little tidbit about alien bodies and Roswell. Monroe, he argued, must be silenced at any cost. Her supposed suicide was not a suicide at all, but murder. Now what makes perfect sense to a person like me is the fact that a President would certainly want to keep secret all the nonsense that he had been feeding Marilyn. Talk about embarrassment! Yuck! But murder? I don’t think so. It wasn’t an election year.
Back in April of this year, John Humphreys revealed a little secret of his own—a secret he had carefully guarded for 11 years. Well-known for his creation of the television character Max Headroom (what else would you call it?) and for some special effects for Dr. Who, Humphreys admitted that he was one of several individuals behind Alien Autopsy, a film showing a dead alien from the1947 Roswell crash site being dissected by government scientists. It was all a hoax he admits. The grainy footage was made filmed in Roswell, but in London in 1995. The alien models were filled with sheep brains and other animal parts to help create a sense of reality. A film distributor had purportedly bought the reels from a retired American military official. A billion people worldwide have reportedly seen Alien Autopsy. A billion people. Burleson must be salivating at the thought of that.
Now what could possibly compete with a “documentary” of an alien, and a Marilyn Monroe murder? Well, try this. On Sunday, July 16, Ariana Ash was walking through the Roswell UFO Museum. Suddenly an exhibit comes alive. Two aliens swoop down and abduct the young lady. Terrified as we would all be under such circumstances, she cries out for help. Her boyfriend who has wandered off on his own, hears her cries and comes running. He subdues her abductors, drops to his knees and asks for her hand in marriage. She accepts of course. The aliens were none other than her brother-in-law and stepfather. In the melodramas of old, it was customary to hiss and throw peanuts at the villains. There was an ample supply of confetti on hand for the fake abduction, but not a single peanut. Oh, well. It is Roswell theatrics all over again.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Time To Set the Night on Fire!
Do you remember the lyrics to The Doors’ hit song, “Light My Fire?” “Come on baby, light my fire, time to set the night on fire.” Well it seems that the jewel beetle, a.k.a. the black fire beetle, goes “wild” whenever it detects smoke or the distant flickering of flames. By “wild” I mean frisky, as in a mating frenzy. At least that is what professors at the University of Bonn have reported. No ring tone—just smoke and flames. Go ahead, “make my night, set the night on fire.”
OK! So you were not interested in an x-rated fire. Then how about the hospital patient in the Methodist Dallas Medical Center who decided he needed to smoke a cigarette. There was only one problem. He was wearing an oxygen mask at the time. He not only succeeded in lighting the cigarette, but the whole room as well. It was not even Friday the 13th—just Thursday the 13th. Or how about the honors student at Southern Arkansas University who accidentally managed to set fire to his dorm room—reducing everything in it to blackened goo. When the fire chief inspected the situation he reported that the room was actually an improvement--after the fire!
And speaking of home improvements. A homeowner in Tucson, Arizona, had his fill of unwanted bees in his attic. He had apparently heard of people using smoke to render bees harmless so that you could take their honey. So he started a little fire in his attic. The little fire soon became a large fire. Sure enough he got rid of the bees, although the damage tab to his roof was about $100,000. In a similar vein a woman in North Carolina tried to get rid of snakes on her front porch by dousing their nest with lighter fluid. So far so good. But then she accidentally dropped a lighted match. Swoosh! The snakes were gone and her porch was…. Well, you can just imagine.
And speaking of porches. Back in January Luciano Mares of Fort Sumner, New Mexico, needed to dispose of a mouse that he had caught in his house. He tossed it into a pile of burning leaves outside. The mouse as you can imagine did not take kindly to his new surroundings and gathered its strength and made a dash under Mares’ porch. Swoosh! In a matter of minutes his house was destroyed. Mares talked to a reporter from his motel room—his new home away from home.
Back in October of 2005, David Duvall was enjoying an outing at the Maryland Renaissance Festival in Cronwsville. A performer approached him and asked if she could set fire to his bald head. Without comprehending the possible consequences he agreed. Big mistake. He was hospitalized with burns on his head. His wife would later explain, “We thought they knew what they were doing.” Sure! Doesn’t everyone.
Now don’t go sneering. America has a long history of incompetence when it comes to fires. In fact, Captain John Smith of Pocahontas fame had to take medical leave in 1609 after accidentally exploding a bag of gunpowder he was wearing around his neck. The gene pool runs deep.
Do you remember the lyrics to The Doors’ hit song, “Light My Fire?” “Come on baby, light my fire, time to set the night on fire.” Well it seems that the jewel beetle, a.k.a. the black fire beetle, goes “wild” whenever it detects smoke or the distant flickering of flames. By “wild” I mean frisky, as in a mating frenzy. At least that is what professors at the University of Bonn have reported. No ring tone—just smoke and flames. Go ahead, “make my night, set the night on fire.”
OK! So you were not interested in an x-rated fire. Then how about the hospital patient in the Methodist Dallas Medical Center who decided he needed to smoke a cigarette. There was only one problem. He was wearing an oxygen mask at the time. He not only succeeded in lighting the cigarette, but the whole room as well. It was not even Friday the 13th—just Thursday the 13th. Or how about the honors student at Southern Arkansas University who accidentally managed to set fire to his dorm room—reducing everything in it to blackened goo. When the fire chief inspected the situation he reported that the room was actually an improvement--after the fire!
And speaking of home improvements. A homeowner in Tucson, Arizona, had his fill of unwanted bees in his attic. He had apparently heard of people using smoke to render bees harmless so that you could take their honey. So he started a little fire in his attic. The little fire soon became a large fire. Sure enough he got rid of the bees, although the damage tab to his roof was about $100,000. In a similar vein a woman in North Carolina tried to get rid of snakes on her front porch by dousing their nest with lighter fluid. So far so good. But then she accidentally dropped a lighted match. Swoosh! The snakes were gone and her porch was…. Well, you can just imagine.
And speaking of porches. Back in January Luciano Mares of Fort Sumner, New Mexico, needed to dispose of a mouse that he had caught in his house. He tossed it into a pile of burning leaves outside. The mouse as you can imagine did not take kindly to his new surroundings and gathered its strength and made a dash under Mares’ porch. Swoosh! In a matter of minutes his house was destroyed. Mares talked to a reporter from his motel room—his new home away from home.
Back in October of 2005, David Duvall was enjoying an outing at the Maryland Renaissance Festival in Cronwsville. A performer approached him and asked if she could set fire to his bald head. Without comprehending the possible consequences he agreed. Big mistake. He was hospitalized with burns on his head. His wife would later explain, “We thought they knew what they were doing.” Sure! Doesn’t everyone.
Now don’t go sneering. America has a long history of incompetence when it comes to fires. In fact, Captain John Smith of Pocahontas fame had to take medical leave in 1609 after accidentally exploding a bag of gunpowder he was wearing around his neck. The gene pool runs deep.
