Wednesday, August 16, 2006
War of the Worlds!
How many planets are there in our solar system? Well, it depends on what year you ask that question. Back in the 1860’s there was a planet named Ceres and a couple of others of which you have probably never heard. They soon got booted out of the galaxy so to speak. Some astronomers and other scientific types soon decided that they were asteroids not planets. Then in 1930 we added a ninth planet in the form of Pluto. And soon school kids all over the country were learning a mnemonic to help keep them straight.
“My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Peas” or "My very earnest mother just served us nine pickles" or "My Very Educated Mother Just Sent Us Nine Pizzas.” Pizzas sure helped keep the planets in order. Or did they? Back in 1979 Neptune messed everything up. Its orbit was suddenly beyond that of Pluto. So much for “nine pizzas.” For twenty years and two months it was “pizzas nightly.” Bunches of people got upset and some decided that Pluto did not really meet the criteria for being a planet in the first place. And it began to look as if Pluto was about to get the boot along side Ceres.
Somewhere along here someone mentioned the “boot” to our school kids. The thought of no “pizza” was just too much and they went on a petition writing campaign to keep Pluto in its rightful place. After all, that tactic had worked before. Everyone in Hawaii thought that the Humuhumunukunukuapuaa was the official state fish. And it was for five years. The legislation passed, but with the little noted provision that it was to be the state fish for five years only. Five years came and went, but no one noticed—certainly not the T-shirt sellers. Then one day a reporter noticed the five-year stipulation. All hell broke loose. Children throughout Hawaii were most distraught and soon started circulating petitions again. No legislator in his right mind wants to get crossways with a bunch of elementary kids. So, as of April 2006, the humuhumunukunukuapuaa is back as the official state fish. Now all this legal wrangling was not lost on our astronomers. Pluto must stay among the elite. But how? Someone in astronomy circles came up with the idea to rewrite the definition of a planet so that Pluto could remain a planet. The best that they could come up with was wording that would add three planets to our solar system. Voila! In a few days Charon, 2003 UB313 (otherwise known as Xena) and our old friend Ceres will be planets again. The kids will certainly go for Xena, the cartoon fantasy figure. That is until they figure out that it must be renamed to be a “proper” planet. Now twelve planets will certainly mess up “nine peas” and “nine planets.”
But that is only the start of this astronomical mischief. Overnight, textbooks and toys will become obsolete. The world will soon be under siege as a new age of toys hits the shelves. But wait! Did I mention that the definition is so broad that it could actually include another forty or fifty planets? Planets that every school child will have to know to pass ninth grade science. While that may make the textbook publishers happy with the thought of turning out a new host of expensive books every few years to remain current, it probably will not set well with the kids. If they could remember the nine planets they would not need to learn “My Very Educated Mother Just Sent Us Nine Pizzas.” There are not enough ingredients that you can stick on a pizza that will make those kids happy. Forty or fifty is a lot to learn. Humuhumunukunukuapuaa is one thing, but forty or fifty letters or words are way too much to bite off.
The astronomers wanted to be politically correct and not offend anyone. Some have suggested that it would be perfectly fine if Pluto could be referred to as “an ice dwarf (Yuck!) planet or an historical planet. Asteroids will become "small solar system bodies." So they came up with a nifty definition. The only problem is that it resembled what Vogue magazine wrote in 1958. “A camel looks like a horse planned by a committee.” To root out 99% of the asteroids out there, our new definition includes all spherical objects orbiting the sun. That seems to take care of he asteroids which are not spherical. Or are they? Back in 1904, Henri Poincaré posed the problem “ that if any loop in a certain kind of three-dimensional space can be shrunk to a point without ripping or tearing either the loop or the space, the space is equivalent to a sphere.” Now for the uninformed among us that means “a sphere, a cigar and a rabbit’s head are all the same.” Now, less you quibble about the definition of a sphere, please note that the International Mathematics Union is prepared to bestow a Field Medal, the mathematical equivalent of a Nobel Prize, on Dr. Perelman for proving that a rabbit’s head is really a sphere. Did I mention that Perelman stands to pocket a cool one-million-dollar prize as his reward? Now if a rabbit’s head is really a sphere so too are all those asteroids out there—every last one of them. No matter how misshapen they are, they are still spheres. Who would dare argue with a mathematician? Let’s let the astronomers do that. If there are still any around after the school kids get through with them. By the way can you spell Humuhumunukunukuapuaa?
How many planets are there in our solar system? Well, it depends on what year you ask that question. Back in the 1860’s there was a planet named Ceres and a couple of others of which you have probably never heard. They soon got booted out of the galaxy so to speak. Some astronomers and other scientific types soon decided that they were asteroids not planets. Then in 1930 we added a ninth planet in the form of Pluto. And soon school kids all over the country were learning a mnemonic to help keep them straight.
“My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Peas” or "My very earnest mother just served us nine pickles" or "My Very Educated Mother Just Sent Us Nine Pizzas.” Pizzas sure helped keep the planets in order. Or did they? Back in 1979 Neptune messed everything up. Its orbit was suddenly beyond that of Pluto. So much for “nine pizzas.” For twenty years and two months it was “pizzas nightly.” Bunches of people got upset and some decided that Pluto did not really meet the criteria for being a planet in the first place. And it began to look as if Pluto was about to get the boot along side Ceres.
Somewhere along here someone mentioned the “boot” to our school kids. The thought of no “pizza” was just too much and they went on a petition writing campaign to keep Pluto in its rightful place. After all, that tactic had worked before. Everyone in Hawaii thought that the Humuhumunukunukuapuaa was the official state fish. And it was for five years. The legislation passed, but with the little noted provision that it was to be the state fish for five years only. Five years came and went, but no one noticed—certainly not the T-shirt sellers. Then one day a reporter noticed the five-year stipulation. All hell broke loose. Children throughout Hawaii were most distraught and soon started circulating petitions again. No legislator in his right mind wants to get crossways with a bunch of elementary kids. So, as of April 2006, the humuhumunukunukuapuaa is back as the official state fish. Now all this legal wrangling was not lost on our astronomers. Pluto must stay among the elite. But how? Someone in astronomy circles came up with the idea to rewrite the definition of a planet so that Pluto could remain a planet. The best that they could come up with was wording that would add three planets to our solar system. Voila! In a few days Charon, 2003 UB313 (otherwise known as Xena) and our old friend Ceres will be planets again. The kids will certainly go for Xena, the cartoon fantasy figure. That is until they figure out that it must be renamed to be a “proper” planet. Now twelve planets will certainly mess up “nine peas” and “nine planets.”
But that is only the start of this astronomical mischief. Overnight, textbooks and toys will become obsolete. The world will soon be under siege as a new age of toys hits the shelves. But wait! Did I mention that the definition is so broad that it could actually include another forty or fifty planets? Planets that every school child will have to know to pass ninth grade science. While that may make the textbook publishers happy with the thought of turning out a new host of expensive books every few years to remain current, it probably will not set well with the kids. If they could remember the nine planets they would not need to learn “My Very Educated Mother Just Sent Us Nine Pizzas.” There are not enough ingredients that you can stick on a pizza that will make those kids happy. Forty or fifty is a lot to learn. Humuhumunukunukuapuaa is one thing, but forty or fifty letters or words are way too much to bite off.
The astronomers wanted to be politically correct and not offend anyone. Some have suggested that it would be perfectly fine if Pluto could be referred to as “an ice dwarf (Yuck!) planet or an historical planet. Asteroids will become "small solar system bodies." So they came up with a nifty definition. The only problem is that it resembled what Vogue magazine wrote in 1958. “A camel looks like a horse planned by a committee.” To root out 99% of the asteroids out there, our new definition includes all spherical objects orbiting the sun. That seems to take care of he asteroids which are not spherical. Or are they? Back in 1904, Henri Poincaré posed the problem “ that if any loop in a certain kind of three-dimensional space can be shrunk to a point without ripping or tearing either the loop or the space, the space is equivalent to a sphere.” Now for the uninformed among us that means “a sphere, a cigar and a rabbit’s head are all the same.” Now, less you quibble about the definition of a sphere, please note that the International Mathematics Union is prepared to bestow a Field Medal, the mathematical equivalent of a Nobel Prize, on Dr. Perelman for proving that a rabbit’s head is really a sphere. Did I mention that Perelman stands to pocket a cool one-million-dollar prize as his reward? Now if a rabbit’s head is really a sphere so too are all those asteroids out there—every last one of them. No matter how misshapen they are, they are still spheres. Who would dare argue with a mathematician? Let’s let the astronomers do that. If there are still any around after the school kids get through with them. By the way can you spell Humuhumunukunukuapuaa?
