Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Just Kidding!
Back in June two Australian lads decided to pay a surprise visit to their grandfather. Since no one was around to drive them and the car keys were left within easy reach, they decided to mossy on down the road all by themselves. The oldest was only ten, which is not to say that he did or did not have any previous driving experience. In Australia and Arkansas, they start driving early, especially in the rural areas—areas that are generally devoid of other cars and officers of the law. So it is not inconceivable that a ten-year old could be quite experienced. The two boys had made it over 50 miles down the road before they were spotted by a policeman. Both boys knew enough to hop in the back seat before the officers reached their vehicle. That way they could pretend that they were not driving. Of course, the absence of an older individual in the car would likely be construed as proof positive that one or the other of them was actually driving the vehicle. But in the final analysis it did not matter. In his haste to vacate the position beneath the steering wheel, the ten-year old forgot to put the transmission in park. Whoops! The car started rolling and the erstwhile driver panicked and jumped back behind the wheel. As soon as he had applied the brake, he looked up and was staring eye to eye with a guy wearing a badge. Second whoops!
Meanwhile in Texococo, Mexico, a nine-year old was keeping busy in the bullring. No, he was not cleaning up cow chips. He was wearing a cape and challenging the bulls. His nemeses are not full grown specimens but young critters just like him. That does not mean that he is not at some risk. While trying to best a cow with horns, he made a mistake. And as a consequence he went flying through the air and was then trampled by his foe, but otherwise he emerged virtually intact and with no serious injuries. Like many athletes around the world, he is required to keep his grades up—not by school officials but by his father. And if by some chance he should mossy down to the bullring to take a gander as his next opponent and should happen to see a real nasty macho bull with blood in his eyes, it would be easy to remember that he had “flunked” his last math test and possibly his history test as well. In any event it will be hard to keep him out of hot water. His bullfighting school is in the state of Aguascalientes (hot waters).
Meanwhile back in Ypsilanti, Michigan a 5-year old got into a tiff with his grandmother. He grabbed the car keys and was prompted admonished to put those keys down or else or at least something to that effect. Her granddaughter temporarily distracted his grandmother. The distraction was long enough for the five-year old to give rapid consideration to the meaning of “or else.” And one thing is certain. “Or else” was not going to be the least bit pleasant. On the contraire. Figuring that he had already crossed the “or else” line, he made a mad dash to the grandmother’s car. She was still distracted. He climbed into the Cadillac Escalade and got it started in a hurry. And then to show people that he really knew how to drive just in case anyone should happen to ask, he turned the radio up on high. He got several blocks down the road before he was pulled over by some sheriff’s deputies who just happened to be johnny on the spot. Now why were they there? The news account does not say. But a safe assumption would be that the grandmother was running after her Cadillac yelling at the top of her voice. “Stop that car, right now or else. You hear me? Stop that car now!” Now any five-year old certainly knows at this point that “or else” is now going to be much more serious than it was just five minutes ago. The commotion would certainly have attracted the officers of the law. No matter what they might do to him, it will be much, much better than his grandmother’s “or else!’
A couple of months later in London, a three-year old’s mother got the start of her life. While glancing over some items for sale on eBay, she left her computer running and left the room. Big mistake. The three-year old made a beeline for the computer and pressed a few keys. Presto. Within seconds he was the proud owner of a convertible. He had hit a buy-it-now button. And the mother was on the hook for $17,000. When she came back into the room and saw her son seated at the computer, he no doubt said, “I did it!” And she lovingly said, “What did you do, dear?” And then? Then she looked down to see what her whiz child had done. And then her heart no doubt skipped a beat or two. As she gradually regained her composure, she pondered what to do. The story did have a happy ending. She was able to get hold of the seller and to explain the whole situation to him. The sale was rescinded. The mother breathed a deep sigh of relief. And the father? I can hear the three-year old tell his dad just as soon as he walked into the house, “I did it!” “What did you do?” “I did it! And mama talked on the phone for a long, long time with this nice man!”
Never underestimate a child. I know a TV repairman who was summoned to a house to fix a TV set that was afflicted with orange circles and dots. Herschel quickly recognized the problem and took out a degaussing unit to repair the damage. As he moved the degausser over the screen, he remarked that he did not know what could have caused the orange blobs. A three-year old said, “I do!” He then brought his magnet with him and began to touch the screen here and there and magically the orange spots reappeared ..
Once day my son was invited to play school with my youngest daughter and her friend. He was asked a question which he could not answer. Whitney took out a paddle and gave him a couple of whacks. She then asked him another question. Not knowing the answer he bolted to the door. Although he was asked to play school several times after that, he always refused. Every since then, he has always been a quick learner.
Back in June two Australian lads decided to pay a surprise visit to their grandfather. Since no one was around to drive them and the car keys were left within easy reach, they decided to mossy on down the road all by themselves. The oldest was only ten, which is not to say that he did or did not have any previous driving experience. In Australia and Arkansas, they start driving early, especially in the rural areas—areas that are generally devoid of other cars and officers of the law. So it is not inconceivable that a ten-year old could be quite experienced. The two boys had made it over 50 miles down the road before they were spotted by a policeman. Both boys knew enough to hop in the back seat before the officers reached their vehicle. That way they could pretend that they were not driving. Of course, the absence of an older individual in the car would likely be construed as proof positive that one or the other of them was actually driving the vehicle. But in the final analysis it did not matter. In his haste to vacate the position beneath the steering wheel, the ten-year old forgot to put the transmission in park. Whoops! The car started rolling and the erstwhile driver panicked and jumped back behind the wheel. As soon as he had applied the brake, he looked up and was staring eye to eye with a guy wearing a badge. Second whoops!
Meanwhile in Texococo, Mexico, a nine-year old was keeping busy in the bullring. No, he was not cleaning up cow chips. He was wearing a cape and challenging the bulls. His nemeses are not full grown specimens but young critters just like him. That does not mean that he is not at some risk. While trying to best a cow with horns, he made a mistake. And as a consequence he went flying through the air and was then trampled by his foe, but otherwise he emerged virtually intact and with no serious injuries. Like many athletes around the world, he is required to keep his grades up—not by school officials but by his father. And if by some chance he should mossy down to the bullring to take a gander as his next opponent and should happen to see a real nasty macho bull with blood in his eyes, it would be easy to remember that he had “flunked” his last math test and possibly his history test as well. In any event it will be hard to keep him out of hot water. His bullfighting school is in the state of Aguascalientes (hot waters).
Meanwhile back in Ypsilanti, Michigan a 5-year old got into a tiff with his grandmother. He grabbed the car keys and was prompted admonished to put those keys down or else or at least something to that effect. Her granddaughter temporarily distracted his grandmother. The distraction was long enough for the five-year old to give rapid consideration to the meaning of “or else.” And one thing is certain. “Or else” was not going to be the least bit pleasant. On the contraire. Figuring that he had already crossed the “or else” line, he made a mad dash to the grandmother’s car. She was still distracted. He climbed into the Cadillac Escalade and got it started in a hurry. And then to show people that he really knew how to drive just in case anyone should happen to ask, he turned the radio up on high. He got several blocks down the road before he was pulled over by some sheriff’s deputies who just happened to be johnny on the spot. Now why were they there? The news account does not say. But a safe assumption would be that the grandmother was running after her Cadillac yelling at the top of her voice. “Stop that car, right now or else. You hear me? Stop that car now!” Now any five-year old certainly knows at this point that “or else” is now going to be much more serious than it was just five minutes ago. The commotion would certainly have attracted the officers of the law. No matter what they might do to him, it will be much, much better than his grandmother’s “or else!’
A couple of months later in London, a three-year old’s mother got the start of her life. While glancing over some items for sale on eBay, she left her computer running and left the room. Big mistake. The three-year old made a beeline for the computer and pressed a few keys. Presto. Within seconds he was the proud owner of a convertible. He had hit a buy-it-now button. And the mother was on the hook for $17,000. When she came back into the room and saw her son seated at the computer, he no doubt said, “I did it!” And she lovingly said, “What did you do, dear?” And then? Then she looked down to see what her whiz child had done. And then her heart no doubt skipped a beat or two. As she gradually regained her composure, she pondered what to do. The story did have a happy ending. She was able to get hold of the seller and to explain the whole situation to him. The sale was rescinded. The mother breathed a deep sigh of relief. And the father? I can hear the three-year old tell his dad just as soon as he walked into the house, “I did it!” “What did you do?” “I did it! And mama talked on the phone for a long, long time with this nice man!”
Never underestimate a child. I know a TV repairman who was summoned to a house to fix a TV set that was afflicted with orange circles and dots. Herschel quickly recognized the problem and took out a degaussing unit to repair the damage. As he moved the degausser over the screen, he remarked that he did not know what could have caused the orange blobs. A three-year old said, “I do!” He then brought his magnet with him and began to touch the screen here and there and magically the orange spots reappeared ..
Once day my son was invited to play school with my youngest daughter and her friend. He was asked a question which he could not answer. Whitney took out a paddle and gave him a couple of whacks. She then asked him another question. Not knowing the answer he bolted to the door. Although he was asked to play school several times after that, he always refused. Every since then, he has always been a quick learner.
