Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Rammer Jammer!
In case you missed it, a Michigan teenager rammed his girlfriend’s car 15 times to remind her that he needed a goodnight kiss. The only thing was that it was not his girlfriend’s car. He was talking to his girlfriend on his cell phone and kept telling her to stop. She explained that she was stopped. But that did not stop him from ramming the car again and again. Whoops! Makes you wonder if he could not tell one car from the other, how could he tell one female from the another. It was no doubt a good thing that he did not try to kiss the arresting officer. Needless to say he failed his sobriety test and will no doubt be taking lessons soon in dating etiquette.
Speaking of which, the University of Sioux Falls will soon be offering a college course entitled “Finding Dates Worth Keeping.” Hopefully, somewhere in the first couple of lessons it will offer some sage advise, no matter how tempting or how desperate one might be, never, but never, ram a girl’s car just to get her attention. One must never forget that 99 plus percent of all females would no doubt value their cars must more than they would value a date with you. And there is always the possibility of getting a ticket for reckless dating. And how would you explain the demolished car to her father? One must never forget to figure the father into dating protocol.
Now, a few more bases to cover. No, we are not talking about those kinds of bases. Pulling a girl’s hair is out. Also, dipping pigtails in inkwells is out as well. Now I know what you are thinking. Ink wells? Didn’t they go out in the dark ages? Well, actually a little more recent than that. But, did you ever think why someone bothered to invent a fountain pen? And it probably was a female. But a guy could still get into a lot of trouble with a fountain pen—even in the Space Age. So, if memory serves me correctly, some NASA guy invented the ballpoint pen. He probably was already thinking about the day when we would have female astronauts and how difficult it would be to convince any of them to go into space with some guys and a fountain pen.
And we must not forget rubber stamps. Now I know what some of the younger generation are thinking. What is a rubber stamp? Before computers it was a devise for imprinting ink supposedly on paper objects for official purposes. Now if you have ever watched Closely Watched Trains, you know how tempting a rubber stamp can be to a lovelorn young man. Better watch the movie to see him explain his way out of that one to her father. Remember every girl has a father!
And then…. It might be lots easier to simply say that whatever you are planning, don’t do it. A simple “Hi!” will suffice in 99 percent of the cases. And for the other one- percent, don’t ram the car. And for all you guys in Alabama, remember “Rammer Jammer then the Slammer!”
In case you missed it, a Michigan teenager rammed his girlfriend’s car 15 times to remind her that he needed a goodnight kiss. The only thing was that it was not his girlfriend’s car. He was talking to his girlfriend on his cell phone and kept telling her to stop. She explained that she was stopped. But that did not stop him from ramming the car again and again. Whoops! Makes you wonder if he could not tell one car from the other, how could he tell one female from the another. It was no doubt a good thing that he did not try to kiss the arresting officer. Needless to say he failed his sobriety test and will no doubt be taking lessons soon in dating etiquette.
Speaking of which, the University of Sioux Falls will soon be offering a college course entitled “Finding Dates Worth Keeping.” Hopefully, somewhere in the first couple of lessons it will offer some sage advise, no matter how tempting or how desperate one might be, never, but never, ram a girl’s car just to get her attention. One must never forget that 99 plus percent of all females would no doubt value their cars must more than they would value a date with you. And there is always the possibility of getting a ticket for reckless dating. And how would you explain the demolished car to her father? One must never forget to figure the father into dating protocol.
Now, a few more bases to cover. No, we are not talking about those kinds of bases. Pulling a girl’s hair is out. Also, dipping pigtails in inkwells is out as well. Now I know what you are thinking. Ink wells? Didn’t they go out in the dark ages? Well, actually a little more recent than that. But, did you ever think why someone bothered to invent a fountain pen? And it probably was a female. But a guy could still get into a lot of trouble with a fountain pen—even in the Space Age. So, if memory serves me correctly, some NASA guy invented the ballpoint pen. He probably was already thinking about the day when we would have female astronauts and how difficult it would be to convince any of them to go into space with some guys and a fountain pen.
And we must not forget rubber stamps. Now I know what some of the younger generation are thinking. What is a rubber stamp? Before computers it was a devise for imprinting ink supposedly on paper objects for official purposes. Now if you have ever watched Closely Watched Trains, you know how tempting a rubber stamp can be to a lovelorn young man. Better watch the movie to see him explain his way out of that one to her father. Remember every girl has a father!
And then…. It might be lots easier to simply say that whatever you are planning, don’t do it. A simple “Hi!” will suffice in 99 percent of the cases. And for the other one- percent, don’t ram the car. And for all you guys in Alabama, remember “Rammer Jammer then the Slammer!”
