Wednesday, August 01, 2007
The Seventh Seal!
My wife and I have been doing some remodeling. We had not yet got around to doing something about the horrible blue carpet on the kitchen floor. It had come with the house and was badly stained. It had been professionally cleaned but the stain in front of the frig was persistent. She abandoned me this week to help her sister move. So yesterday I decided it would be a good day to rip out the blue carpet. After quite a tussle I managed to get it loose from the floor and drug it outside. This was no small task since the previous owner of our house had been in the hardware business and he seemed to have an abundance of surplus glue on hand when he decided to install the infamous blue carpet. But with a great deal of grunting and exertiveness I had managed somehow to put it free from its bed of glue. I felt pretty good about the whole affair when I retired for the night.
I was not aware of any problem until I got up the next morning for my wakeup cup of coffee. I stood patiently in front of the coffee maker waiting for it to brew. Now I am sure that you are wondering why a person would stand and do nothing while his coffee brews. Well there was a simple explanation. My feet were glued to the floor. Somehow over night all that carpet glue had softened and I was now firmly affixed to the floor. After slowly sipping my first cup and I should note that there was no need to be in any hurry since I was not going any place fast anyway, I contemplated my alternatives. I had originally thought I would do nothing else to the floor until my wife returned. However, the thought of being glued to the floor each morning for the rest of the week was not particularly appealing. So after pouring myself a second cup, I managed to pry my self loose from my anchorage and retreated a safe distance from glue land.
I decided that there was no reasonable alternative other than to remove the glue that was atop a piece of old linoleum or at the minimum a pathway to the coffee maker. I grabbed a few tools and started prying at the linoleum. After about 15 minutes of little progress I had finally mastered the appropriate technique. And soon swathes of the gooey mess began to come up relatively quickly. I had a clear path to the coffee machine and it was only 9:07. I was only slightly late for my morning coffee break. I would have made it a little sooner had I not been interrupted by the incessant ringing of the phone. I then realized that my stock of coffee mugs would be depleted before my wife returned. I then chiseled out paths to the cabinet and to the sink and to the dishwasher. I then surveyed my handiwork and realized that this would never do. The floor now resembled a patchwork quilt. I then forced myself to clear out everything except about twelve inches at the base of the cabinets. I felt exhausted but satisfied. My state of euphoria lasted ever so briefly. I realized that my wife would need to stand on the glue zone in order to reach items on the top shelves. As I imagined her glued solidly to the floor, a cold chill swept over my body. There was to be no rest for the weary. I took my tools and finished the job.
The law of inadvertent circumstances had claimed yet another victim. The next time I decide on a new project on the spur of the moment, I might as well sit down with the devil in a chess match. On the other hand that might be a bit sticky too.
